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Friday, November 25, 2011

Those Cunning Brits!

Imagine a language that uses single quote marks in dialog; spells color with a “u”; imagine a language that calls an elevator a “lift”; imagine a language that uses commas at random; and imagine a language that won't use the language of its own (Shakespeare)! That’s British English. Says Shakespeare: ‘Beware what you call good English.’ This from a man whose followers cannot decide how to spell his name (Shakespear, Shakspere, Shakespere...). Still, Old Bill often used “they” rather than insert the awkward “his/her” into his plays.

I’m ranting today about the British take-back of the United States. It’s happening quietly, slowly, insidiously, but it’s happening. Look around. Those wily Brits set up romantic alliances (think Diana and Prince Charles, Kate and Prince William, even Albert and Queen Victoria) to woo our sentimental hearts. In recent years, they also have stepped up “royal visits” to the U.S. (ostensibly to check up on Canada, but... well, you know!). The queen knows how in thrall we seem to be with everything British.

As for taking over our movie and entertainment industry, just look at the British thespians who have stolen our Oscars: Kate Winslet, Judy Dench, Julie Andrews, the Redgrave family (father, daughters, and progeny), Helen Mirren, Vivien Leigh, Alec Guinness, Laurence Olivier, Daniel Day-Lewis, Rex Harrison, Peter Ustinov, Michael Caine, culminating in the 2011 deluge of Christian Bale and everybody in and around “The King’s Speech” (about a British regent); and the musicians: Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Elton John, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, Sting, and the Beatles; and comedians, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry, Stephanie Cole, Rowan Atkinson, Peter Sellers, John Cleese, Benny Hill, and Molly Sugden. To think it all started with Charlie Chaplin (a Brit)!

They’re even invading our food chain: replacing our favorite coffee with tea, teasing us with scones, beef Wellington, chutney, biscuits, and crisps (good heavens, crisps are French fries!).

Don’t get it yet? The British are coming! The British are coming! Time to hunker down and claim (at least) our language for our own. Chant with me: Ban the Brits! Ban the Brits!

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