Quote-Contents-Unquote

When do you use quotation marks, how many, and where? Forget the “rules” you were fed in school. Many options are available to suit the inventive writer.

Standard/Normal/Ho-hum maybe:
Double quote-dialog-double unquote — “What do you mean, choice?” you ask. (New paragraph) “You have options,” I say.

Standard/Normal/Ho-hum quote within a quote — “Someone will tell you ‘Listen to me,’ and you have to listen.’’

Standard/Normal/Ho-hum quote that is not dialog — The word you want is “choice”. (punctuation outside the mark) 

British/Normal/Ho-hum:
Single quote-dialog-single unquote — ‘You Brits do it this way.’ (New paragraph) ‘Yes. Neah, neah, neah, U.S.’

Creative:
Eliminate quotation marks — What do you mean, choice? I'm suggesting options to you.

Creative:
(You decide how to handle dialog quotations. I’m waiting to hear your ideas.)

With E or Without

How do you spell — acknowledg ment? or judg ment? Do you stick an E in there to make the words: acknowledgement and judgement?

Uh-uh! That’s a dead giveaway that you’re with “them” (the Brits).

If you’re a true U.S.-er,  omit the E. Otherwise the Grammar Anarchist will be after you.

When you don’t want them to know...

Writers:
You keep being told to write clearly, actively, directly, so that readers know exactly what you’re saying. Not always. There are times when you don’t want readers to know what’s going on — when blame or responsibility is involved, when you don’t want to name names.

“Errors have been made and others will be blamed.” This is passive writing.

Passive writing says “something happened, but we’re not saying what”; someone did something, but we’re not saying who”. Notice that the general order of subject-verb-object has been reversed. Rather than “Bob erred with the estimate; his information was faulty”, the message may appear as: “The estimate was in error because of faulty information”. No foul; no blame!

Who would write this way? Those who wish to add complexity or obfuscation to their words (think: legal documents, insurance policies, financial information, apologies). Passive writing has its place; but most often, something is being hidden.

How many sentences in this posting are passively written?

What keeps coming “between us”?

That wretched mis-use of the objective pronouns that follow “between”: namely me, us, you, her/him/it, them. Pay attention now: you do NOT see the pronouns I, we, she/he, they. There’s a reason for that.  

I, we, she/he, they are subjective pronouns, the DOers.

me, us, you, her/him/it, them are the objective pronouns, the DOees

Because “between” is a preposition, it must be followed by the object (DOee) pronouns.

YES:   me, us, you, her/him/it, them 
NO:     I, we, she/he, they
 Use any combinations of the YES pronouns after “between”.

Two more notes — 1) When there are more than two pronouns (objectives), use “among”.
2) Be courteous. Put the other pronoun first and, modestly, use the “me/us” last. 


CORRECT (hurray-whee):

Let’s keep this between you and me.
The competition is between her and me.
The promise between him or her is to accomplish the work.

INCORRECT (boo-hiss):

Let’s keep this between me and you. (you and me)
The competition is between him, her, and you. (Use “among”)
The promise between you and she is to work together. (you and her)

Got it? The Grammar Anarchist wrote The Anarchist's Guide to Grammar to avoid just such confrontations as this. Order your copy now and don’t let me catch you at this between thing again.

Verb Degrees

Choose a verb, any verb, preferably  a benign one and its extreme opposite (stroll --> race; tap --> pound; sip --> gulp). Insert other verbs that will take the benign verb, by small increments, to the extreme at the other end.

Here's my challenge: Move from “whisper” --> “screech”.

 My attempt: whisper, murmur, hum, speak, converse, enunciate, emphasize, shout, yell, scream, shriek, cry, screech…

Can you insert some other verbs in between?

So so-so!

Speakers use place savers — words or sounds that give the brain time to catch up to the tongue. The primary place savers include sounds, such as “uh, er, um”. Of late, they’re being replaced by words, which range from “so” and “in fact” to “the fact is,  it's my belief”,  and “for some reason or other”. You have to wonder if brains have slowed down or tongues have speeded up.

During a recent lecture, a speaker with what must be the slowest brain in the world nearly put me into a coma. In the first place, she spoke so slowly, my brain was in danger of falling asleep. When I noticed she was using the space saver “so”,  I started counting the times she used it. Within a period of five minutes, she used “so” more than 25 times (that computes to five times a minute). It may have been more, but my brain was very sluggish by that time.

Don’t turn off your audience — whether they are listening or reading your words — by over-using space savers. Everyone has favorites. Here are some to watch for: and, but, then, now, I think, I feel, I believe (we know you think, feel or believe what you’re saying; you don’t have to tell us), and the ever-popular so.

The Little Things

The most troublesome words of editing are those wee two- and three-letter words, the kind that have totally different meanings with the change of just one letter. The irritating part is that they sneak past the keenest eyes in just a blink. Words such as at, it, an, as, am, ad, ab, ah, are, arc, arm, art, awe, ace, ade, age, ale, ape, ate, axe, aye (well, you get the idea. And those are just the a's).

One way to avoid typos of this kind is to read backward. Start at the bottom of a page and read right-to-left, bottom-to-top. That way, you’re looking at words. If you find one like “art” or “arm” and have no need for either word in that text, you catch the error before it becomes errata.

You see, grammar is looking at the fine print, the little words, and the tiny ways we mess up a page of type. Haven’t you heard: little things mean a lot!

For All You Mullygrubbers!

mullygrub (verb)
mullygrubs (moody noun)
mullygrubber (person to avoid)

The word mullygrubs came up on NPR recently and befuddled many people — both reporters and listeners. This is one of the best one-word descriptions alive (barely); it is attached to those moody, lackadaisical, gloomy, annoying people who just collywobble around, bringing negative energy to everyone.

If that isn’t enough to keep you away (or to keep you from becoming one), know that collywobble is a verb meaning to “belly-ache” (derived from “collic” and “stomach ache”). Got it?

Where the term mullygrub comes from is equally interesting (to us word geeks). An Aussie reports that a mullygrub is a cricket noun, referring to a bowled ball that “just rolls along the ground, keeping the batsman from scoring more than one run”, and therefore turning the defeated bowler into a collywobbler who resorts to any method to win with no consideration of long-term results. (Sounds as if it should be part of U.S. political grammar.)

Wait! There’s more! The word mully is a variant of muley, which refers to cattle with no horns. And how do hornless cattle behave without a means of defense? They get the mullygrubs, which turns them into very blah animals — thus mullygrubbers — blue, sad, down in the dumps.

Don’t be a mullygrubber! Forget the collywobbles and get out there and throw a party, ride a roller coaster, ask an attractive person out to dine, run naked through the stre... no, better skip that last one!

How Many Things Can You Break?

You can break a rule, a glass, an egg, a heart, a leg, your neck, a promise, a record, the bank at Monte Carlo, a $20 bill, the ice…

You can break in, out, up, down, into, even, wind, curfew, step, silence…

You can break up a fight, into the light, in new shoes, in a new assistant, out of jail, out of the blues, down in the rain, up in pain, into a bank, into song, into a sweat…

You can take a break, make a break, fake a break, shake a break (or is that shake and break?)…

Breaker! Breaker! Break!

A Relaxed Afternoon

Read this sentence carefully:

Soothed by the music, the afternoon was spent reading.

If you read it literally — the way it’s written — you have to assume that the afternoon was what was soothed by the music. BECAUSE: what follows an opening clause (soothed by the music) has to be the subject that is “soothed”. Ask: “Who is soothed by the music?” And remember to use the comma. Try this:

Soothed by the music, the angry teenager spent the afternoon reading.

Or

Soothed by the music, the feisty princess decided to throw a party.

 Or

Soothed by the music, the lazy police sergeant forgot to draw his gun.

 Or

Soothed by the music, the rebellious third graders spent the afternoon reading.

 Do you remember that a clause needs a verb? You get a gold star!

Define the Mighty “It”

1. It is raining.
2. It looks like a nice day.
3. It was a dark and stormy night.
4. It made me angry.
5. It was three in the morning.
6. It felt like doom.
7. It is hot in here.
8. It turns out she was his wife.
9. It happens to be true.
10. It is time to quit.

The Elephant in the Middle of the Room

I’ll bet you’ve never asked yourself the question, why do I need a style manual? Yet, bookstores and libraries offer shelves full of them. And no two are alike. Duh! That’s because each was written to apply to a certain publication — not yours. The Podunk Tribune, too lazy to write its own style manual, may choose the AP Style Manual and add its own touches, making it the Podunk Tribune Style Manual.

You, Mr. or Ms. Writer, can do the same thing. Or… you can write your own from scratch. Pull out a spiral notebook or open a computer file, title it My (your name) Style Manual and begin making notes.

Decide which words you want to capitalize;
Decide how you’ll spell certain words;
Write down definitions to remind yourself; list the characters of your next book;
Design a location for your story;
Keep track of your characters birthdays, ages, appearance. 

Oh the many entries you can make. In time — a very short time — you will have a bulging notebook. If you are a prolific writer, you may want to start a new style manual for each project, keeping the primary manual for general writing notes.

Congratulations! Now you are the author of Your Style Manual!

Opal Pickles, my new old friend

Few comic page characters do more for grammar than Opal Pickles, the AARPer who harasses her husband with her grammar annoyances. This week she was ranting about people who write “web sight” insead of “website”. At first glance, I thought she referred to using two words rather than one; then I checked the spelling. Me too, Opal. Hate it!

Her other annoyances included the misuse of the verbs “lay” and “lie”, and folks who write “low and behold” instead of “lo and behold”. I admit, I hadn’t thought much about that last one until dear Opal called it to my attention.

Did I mention that Opal’s words come from Brian Crane? Great artist with reverence for the language.

A Perfect Sentence

Some consider learning grammar a sentence beyond the realm of “reasonable punishment”, but the Grammar Anarchist says “Phooey and balderdash!” Grammar is easy as pie when you pick up the basics. The following sentence contains all the parts of speech. Can you identify them?

Hungered by eons of fasting, Adam slowly but (ugh!) eagerly 

reached for the very juicy apple.

Give it a try before checking the comments for my answers. (Yours could be different and remain acceptable.)

Good on you (I don’t think so!)

You hear it all around you. “Good on this”, “good on that”, “good on you”.

Good is an adjective that describes a noun. In the usage I’m hearing (above), the usage sounds more like a verb: I good, you good, we good, etc. Where in the world of English-speaking people did this term come from? Boo! Hiss! Go to war, Miss Agnes!

From the mouths of babes

You may know how I love the comics. Is it “truth in humor” or “innocence”? Today’s Family Circus (thank you, Bil and Jeff Keane) had the kids playing a board game. Dolly pipes up, “This game isn’t as much fun when we hafta follow all the rules.”

Right on, sweetheart. You’re learning early. Another anarchist is… growing up (altho the poor child hasn’t aged ins 50 years). When/if she does grow up, she can qualify for a copy of my very helpful book for writers: The Anarchist’s Guide to Grammar. Then she can write her own cartoons — her way!

A Fun Game

Sitting at the beach? Seeking shade in the back yard? Swigging down a cool one? Converting your hot tub to a cool tub? However you choose to chill, here’s a fun game to help you forget the heat.

List as many adjectives as you can from one extreme to the other — in degrees. Example:

        TEPID - WARM - HEATED - HOT - STEAMY - BOILING - TORRID - BURNING

Now try it with the opposite: COOL to FREEZING

I’ll bet you feel cooler already.

The Old Foodie Speaks

 Slightly edited, the following arrived with today’s note from The Old Foodie (a favorite contact). Can you find some usage variations?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines brioche as ‘a kind of cake made of flour, butter, and eggs; sponge-cake’, Most folk on either side of the Channel, and on all sides of the big waters, would say that the OED got it badly wrong, and that brioche is bread, not cake. Perhaps the OED is merely out of date. For the word-smiths amongst you: such authorities as I have been able to rustle up at short notice say that the word ‘brioche’ comes from the Middle French dialect brier ‘to knead’, which in turn is of Germanic origin, and is ‘akin to Old High German brehhan ‘to break’.

Okay, I’ll tell you. Notice the single quotation marks where U.S. language uses doubles. And the word “amongst” echos British usage. You’re absolutely right. This writer is from Australia, where “English” takes on elements different from both U.S. and Great B. The part I thoroughly get is “…the OED got it badly wrong”.

There’s No Business Like Grammar Business (tra-la!)

My friend Gina Wilhelm, star theater performer, puppeteer, and actor, reflects my view of grammar with the following:

I realize this is a fool’s errand, given how many people can’t keep “to”, “too”, and “two” straight, let alone “your” and “you’re”, to say nothing of “who’s” and “whose”… but “premier” and “premiere” are NOT the same thing. And when dealing with the performing arts, lemme just say that about 95% of the time, the proper one has an “e” at the end. 

Consider: an actor’s premier performance during the show’s premiere! Oh yes, one other thing, a “premier danseur” is the term often used to refer to the principle male dancer in a ballet. But now we’re back to the French, without whom we probably wouldn’t even have “ballet”… or grammar consternation!

Where do they keep the men?

In manholes, of course! I’m still fighting those who consider the utility/sewer/work holes in streets as “manholes”. Some cities think so highly of the covers, they’re decorating them. Yes, painting them and making them pretty. Wouldn’t you love to see some city paint all of its “manholes” pink! (Oops, guess that’s a sexist remark. Sorry…not.)

Till the end of time...

Or is it: ’til the end of time? Another conundrum, oh my! (I always considered “till” as pertaining to what one did with soil.)

The word we’re searching for is until. As in “Until you tell me differently, I’ll till the soil with my trusty spade.”

Which is correct? Oh, Anarchist of the Grammar, please till… oops!… tell me!

Both — or rather, all — are correct, if you mean acceptable. Editors agree with all three: until, till, and ’til, as long as only one is used consistently. C-O-N-S-I-S-T-E-N-C-Y is the GA’s byword.

Till (’till, until) next time: be consistent.

You’d think NPR would know better!

Yes, I heard it on NPR this morning: “There is dozens of opportunities....” My-oh-my, the day is ruined for the Grammar Anarchist. Bad enough to begin a sentence with “there is”, but to follow it with a plural subject… oh, the pain, the pain!

Jonesing the Joneses on Apostrophe Day

When you have a name that ends in “s” (like Jones), and you want to write that it owns something, use the apostrophe-s: Mike Jones’ new book. And when you want to show the whole Jones family as owning something, you have a choice: 1) add apostrophe-s to all the Joneses (plural) — as in Joneses’s — or 2) simply add the apostrophe (Joneses’). I like the simple things in life.

What to do with a name that ends in two esses? Now there’s a problem! Or is it? Same advice as above:

The iPad belonging to Tess is Tess’s iPad.
or The iPad belonging to Tess is Tess’ iPad. 

 If you’re talking about the entire John Tess family car, you may get hissed to pieces… or not. Try:  

The Tesses’ family car. Simple and sweet.
The Tesses’s family car. Not incorrect, but it hisses so!

Just don’t call it the Tess guyses’ car!

Who walked into a bar?

 Two adverbs walked into a bar too slowly.
 An anagram walked into a bra.
A simile walked into a bar like a lion.
A reflexive pronoun walked itself into a bar.

Fun, huh! Find more of these with the Grammar Geeks group on LinkedIn (you have to be a member of both LinkedIn and the group). Buat thet oh the laughs we geeks have in that bar!

Grammar: Scary? Hmmmm!

I think I scared a writers’ magazine editor today with my talk about anarchy in the world of grammar. Sensing that I may be ready to destroy the publication’s office, he backed down from a request for me to write a column for the magazine.

C’mon! Grammar is not dangerous — unless it’s handled by an amateur writer. In fact, grammar may improve the amateur’s standing in the world of words. Consider how many bookstores shy away from “self published” books because they have seen a few books which are 1) badly written, 2) ungrammatical, 3) terribly punctuated, and 4) unstructured. Now, many book buyers paint all independently published writers with the same brush. A pity!

Everyone has a story (my long-standing belief). And now “everyone” is writing their story — many without any idea at all about the nuances of writing. “Put it on paper and it’s a book!” Not necessarily true. But hold onto your seats, fellow writers, “everyone-writing” is the way of the future. I say, “Great!” Perhaps the trend will lead us to become more discerning readers.

Sorry, Alex

When you use a trademarked or copyrighted name or logo, you have to use it as written — not the way you think it should be written. My newspaper printed an article today using the name of Alex Trebek’s “Jeopardy!” — without the exclamation point. Ooo! Not good. You’ll never get on as a contestant if you can’t spell it right. How do you feel when someone misspells your name?

Fun With Numbers / Writing Dates

This dated holiday offers a good opportunity to talk about writing dates. Notice in the title, the addition of “th” to the number. That’s because the day number precedes the month. If you want the number to follow, omit the “th” — as in July 4, 2012. While we pronounce this as July “fourth”, it isn’t written that way.

Now, if you belong to the military or are European, you’ll reverse the process. Make that 5 July 2012. Note: the military even repeat the words that way — five July twenty-twelve. HooAh!

Come On, You Guyses!

I couldn’t believe my ears. The young woman told her friends, “You guyses help saved my day.” Guyses? C’mon, guys, it’s bad enough to call both women and men guys, but to try to make the plural AND a possessive that way just blew my mind. Why on earth couldn’t she make her life easier and just use “guys'”? Plural possessives are formed — easily — by forming the plural and adding an apostrophe (’).

Honor Your President

In this election year, notice how many times you see the title President spelled with a small “p”. And notice who spells it that way. The Grammar Anarchist prefers to capitalize President when it refers to the top office in the U.S.

While many style manuals support the small “p”, the GA considers it unrespectful (“lacking in respect” as opposed to disrespectful, which would indicate debasement). After all, the term refers to the office, rather than the person who holds it — irrelevant of political preference.

Regular vs. Irregular Verbs

Verbs come in many sizes, shapes, and colors. Today we’re talking about the “regular” and “irregular” varieties. Regular verbs form the past tense by adding the standard “ed”. But those “irregular” guys are the troublemakers — especially for people learning English as a second language. A couple of examples: go, went, has gone (present, past, participle); do, did, has done; and swim, swam, has swum. And there’s no way except memorization to learn the darned things.

Almost every other language uses a simple past tense for all verbs. Be envious! In some Native American languages, the speaker uses a standard verb and points either ahead or over the shoulder to indicate future and past tense. Cool!

Not so with U.S. language. (Why make it easy?) Teachers cause most of the student wailing by assigning a list of “irregulars” to be memorized. And that list is long: more than 200, to be more factual. Look them up on the Web and see how many you know.

You can lead a horse to water. . .

Why make spelling more difficult than it already is? When someone leads a horse to water, it drinks before telling its friends, “Someone led me to water!”

“Probably that lead miner,” responds the friend.
“I heard the leader was a minor, not quite 12 years old.”
“And that makes a difference how?”
“Can a minor be cited for leading a horse to water when the horse was actually led by a lead miner?”

Get it? The verb “to lead” uses the past tense “led”. The noun “lead” refers the the heavy metal. The nouns “miner” and “minor” refer to someone who digs the metal and someone who digs “heavy metal”, respectively! Dig?

Oh yes, don’t overlook the adjective “minor” which sounds like a sour note sometimes.

What is this thing called love?

Where would you place a comma? Depends on your meaning, doesn’t it, love! The Grammar Anarchist loves to play with words. Play along with The Anarchist's Guide to Grammar. You can take it with you on your Kindle or recline under a shade tree and open a book. But rush out now to pick up your copy. Especially if you are a writer too.

Do you “temble” or “tremble”?

If you don’t do crossword puzzles, you may confuse the words tremble (as in earthquake) with temblor, as in… wait for it… earthquake. Both words suggest “shaking”.

A single trip to a good dictionary adds a couple of adjectives, tremulous, as in “trembling, shaking” and temerius, adding the definition “reckless”.

Just for fun, go one step further with tremble and find the trembles, a noun referring to “an infectious tick disease of sheep which causes them to leap about and tremble (shake) violently”.

See what you can discover during a quiet afternoon sitting in the shade with your dictionary?

Gulp! A Wise Brit Wordsmith

 Knowing that English is a world-wide language, the #GrammarAnarchist focuses on U.S. language, which has its own idiosyncrasies. As a word person, I couldn’t resist taking a peek at what is going on here. You may enjoy it too. Check out http://www.worldwidewords.org/ You'll find this:

About World Wide Words

The English language is forever changing. New words appear; old ones fall out of use or change their meanings. World Wide Words tries to record at least some part of this shifting wordscape by featuring new words, word histories, the background to words in the news, and the curiosities of native English speech.

You can receive free weekly issues of the e-zine that includes “discussions by readers, serendipitous encounters with unfamiliar language, and tongue-in-cheek tut-tuttings at errors perpetrated by sloppy writers”.

Ha! Another “Expert” Crumbles

First the OED changed it’s mind. Now the esteemed AP Style Manual caves! What did I tell you? You have to create your own Style Manual.

NEWS FLASH: AP Style Manual now says it’s okay to use hopefully as an adverb! As in “Hopefully you’ll start your own Style Manual soon!

It raineth on the just
And on the unjust, we know,
And those who speak correctly
And those who don’t, and so
Perhaps it doesn’t matter
If grammar rules pertain,
But I have Yankee tickets
And I hope it doesn’t rain.

(Make that: Hopefully it won't rain”.) Thank you, Charles Osgood!

The Fairy Tale Syndrome

Haven’t you heard about the Fairy Tale Syndrome? It is diagnosed as confusion between using “was” or “were” when contemplating such things as:

1. “If he (was / were) here, I’d give him a kiss.”
2. “If he (was / were) two feet shorter, I’d give him a kiss.” 

The first is possible; he could be here if he felt like it; use “was”. The second is not possible; use “were”. It’s that simple!

NOW, if there is no chance in this world of him being here (#1), inform your reader by using “were” to indicate the impossibility of it all. That’s why I call it the Fairy Tale Syndrome -- not a chance, Cinderella!

What's Wrong With “more better”?

Nothing! As long as you don’t understand grammar. If you did, you’d quickly realize that better is a comparative adverb (good, better, best) and more is an adjective. Which makes “more better” a reverse of modifier guidelines.

Listen closely, I’ll say this only once…more:

Adjectives modify Nouns and Pronouns — period.

Adverbs, on the other hand, modify Verbs, other Adverbs,
AND Adjectives.

Stick with me, sweetheart, and you’ll get this stuff down soon!

Onomatopoeia or Alliteration

Notice the fine line between these two nouns: onomatopoeia and alliteration. 

The o-word names a thing according to how it sounds: hiss, boom, buzz, mumble, even hiccup.

The a-word uses repetition of consonant sounds, as in super sonic, pickled peppers, baby boomers.

Mix them up to learn how poetry works. The horrid hiss of the slimy snake slithering through the crackling corn turned into trembling terror in my muddled mind. Don’t you love words?

Ranting currently; noshing presently!

How are things with you currently? I’ll be taking time off presently to nosh .

What’s the difference between “presently” and “currently”? T-I-M-E. “Currently” means happening now, at this time; “presently” refers to something that is expected to happen at a future time.

OK, at one time, the two words were synonymous. In England. Then the word sailed off to the U.S. in the 1600s, and the meanings were changed slightly — just to annoy the Brits! Some of the Loyalist Tories (or is that redundant?) clung to the old synonymous meaning. C’mon, get current! You aren’t in England anymore.

Currently, I am ranting on a blog. Presently, I will take a lunch break. Got it?

“How are you?” I asked.

A friend emailed me; I replied, asking, “How are you?”

“Oh, getting thing’s done,” was the response.

Gee, I didn’t realize that a thing could possess a done!

Most of my friends are writers. Still, occasionally, we lapse and throw in an apostrophe (or comma) where it doesn’t belong. This apostrophe (above) does NOT belong. My friend meant to use the plural (things) rather than the possessive (done belonging to a thing) or contraction (thing is).

BE WARNED that placing a comma or apostrophe in the wrong place could wreak havoc on your message!

Strike the “E”s in U.S.-English

The first day of law school, you learn that judgment is spelled without the British “e”. Another word that did not translate well from England is: acknowledgment. Please! We changed much of our spelling and grammar after we kicked out the red coats. About time we got used to our independence. (There! four “e”s; are you happy now?)

Word Madness

With March Madness (basketball) and Spring Training (baseball) underway, here’s a warning to sports fans with connections to Australia. DO NOT tell an Aussie that you’re “rooting” for your team. That word translates into Australian-English as the U.S.-English version of the f-word. Not nice! Now do you understand why grammar anarchy makes sense? All English speakers do not speak E-N-G-L-I-S-H?

It’s a cruel, cruel world! It is! or is it?

And the world in its wisdom and its idiosyncrasies doesn’t always let you know what it’s thinking.

Whether to use the apostrophe or whether to leave it alone? That is the question. If you are confused about apostrophes, try this simple test:

When you use the apostrophe, you are turning one word (it’s) into two: it is.
Without the apostrophe, one word (its) remains one word: a possessive pronoun (for those who love labels).

Mixed Up Words

Do you know the difference between…

allusion and illusion?

ingenious and ingenuous?

censor and censure?

conscience and conscious?

 WARNING: 

Know the meanings

of the words you choose!

 

Go in the door / Go into the door?

In and Into are little words (pronouns, actually), but they can change your life. If you go “in the door”, you are making a proper entrance. If you go “into the door”, you could get a laugh or a blood transfusion.

Likewise, you will go “into the room” before you are standing “in the room”. Watch out for those little buggers! They’ll trip you up if you don’t watch them.

What to do with “Grammar Purists”

A bona fide anarchist would probably round them up and shoot them. But I’m a GRAMMAR anarchist. To those who rail loudly about the “rules that must be obeyed”, I can ask only one thing: where are they? Naysayers keep telling me about the “rules” they learned in the deep dark past, as if they were blessed with secrets still hidden from the world’s leading linguists. In the U.S., we use a multi-language, a stew of speech habits and words from around the world. So how is it possible to have one-size-fits-all “rules” to guide writers? Arise, Writers of the World! Bring Your Style Manual and follow me to the next rally! Banish the rule-sayers! Hoohah!

TODAY’S THE DAY!

I chose this special once-in-four-years day to release my new book, The Anarchist's Guide to Grammar.

This hot guide for writers is available through Amazon Books/

Be the first to write a review! You’ll love the approach that screams, “Banish the rules! Create your own style manual!” Happy reading!

Whacky Word Usage

Notice the conundrum raised by this label tacked to the previous post. Do I mean “the use of whacky words” or do I mean the “whacky usage of words”? Oh, such holes we dig when we look into this gram biz.

Strike, Struck, Striked Out!

Now we approach (cautiously) the verb strike. What’s the past tense? Depends on the meaning. Strike can mean “a labor sit-down; a hit, as on a baseball”; or one of many other definitions you’ll find in a good dictionary. While dictionaries (the authoritarian word people) claim the past tense of strike is struck, there remains the question of that baseball.

If the verb and noun are strike, why wouldn’t the past tense of “to strike out” be striked out? Much the same spelling issue as when we look at the plural of mouse — “mice”, if they’re animals; and “mouses”, if they are connected to your computer. Think about it and agree? Or not?

Cling/Clung; Swing/Swung; Bring/Brung...oh-oh!

Remember when you had to memorize that long, loooonnnngggg list of “irregular verbs”? They just kept multiplying. The list is so long that these little Do-Be’s are blamed for the difficulty in learning U.S. language. Stay on the safe side; check your dictionary — which lists verbs in order: present tense and past tense (which is the case we’re talking about). If you’re wondering, the past tense of cling is clung; the past tense of swing is swung; the past tense of bring is brought.

“And how’s (reflexive) yourself?”

I hear it all the time: “How are you?” The answer, “Fine, and how’s yourself?” Sounds a bit grand, doesn’t it?

Words such as yourself, myself, itself, herself, and himself (Nooooo, not “hisself”) are called “reflexive pronouns” because they “reflect” the subject: You may be kidding yourself.

But when the “self” pronoun does not reflect the sentence subject, please change it.
Not: You may think you’re kidding myself, but you’re not.
Instead: You may think you’re kidding me, but you’re not.

Not: He’s a great kidder, just like yourself.
Instead: He’s a great kidder, just like you.

The “self” words used as bad examples above simply mark the speaker or writers as overdoing the grammar bit. Pretentious. Please don’t use words just because they sound grand.

“It’s always darkest at its deepest.”

Okay, I made that up to show two ways to connect i-t-s. No matter how often I offer the guideline, confusion still befuddles the lazy-grammar-ites. All you need to remember is that the apostrophe (’) replaces a missing letter. In the case of it’s, that letter is the “i” in “is” (“it is”).
As in: She believed it’s the man’s place to pay.

The other “its” is simply the possessive form of things belonging to things.
As in: Whatever its place, the practice is unequal.)

Any questions?

Looking for Rules?

Why do some writers keep asking, “Where’s the rule for... ?” as if there were some magical place full of “the rules for writers — grammatical, syntaxical, literarial, spellical, and stylical”?

Listen up: many people offer GUIDELINES; however, there are no “rules” — not in the U.S.! We have a wonderful one-of-a-kind language set-up, based on English (and German and French and Spanish and Italian and...). A writer needs to look at all the GUIDELINES, choose their preferences (just like on computer sites) and WRITE! The best advice you’ll ever get:

Question “rules”
 Notes your preferences in Your Style Manual
Be Consistent
and WRITE!

Who’s Your Baby Daddy?

There was a time… back in the good old days… when we referred to “your baby’s daddy”. Today I eavesdropped on two women who used the term “my baby daddy” and it struck me that I’ve heard it before. Here’s a new piece of language to suit a new kind of situation. Yeah! Language moves!

Partitioned Writing

Partitioned Writing is what she called it. “I write memos and notes without thinking about g-r-a-m-m-a-r; I write to my friends as if I’m speaking to them; I write my newspaper column using the language of the paper’s style manual; I write my books with my own writing style — my own flair. I partition my writing to fit the occasion and the reader.”

That’s exactly what Writing is all about; that’s what Grammar is all about.

Think: Reader;
Think: Occasion.
Then W-R-I-T-E!

Take a Peak/Peek/Peke/Pique

If you’re afraid of heights and you and your pet find yourselves dropped atop Mount Blanc, taking a peek may pique your curiosity to look at the magnificent view from the peak with your peke. These italicized words are called homophones (they sound alike). They all are pronounced P-EE-K. Don’t ever misspell them again. You have been warned. Or are you afraid of The Grammar Anarchist too?

PUNK-CHEW-AYE-SHUN

Oh yeah! You may not be aware of the importance of punctuation. Try this sentence without commas and see what you get:

I’m sorry it’s not loaded Harriet.

Or this one:

He’s not sure she never knew about that Priscilla.

Remove punctuation from written words and chaos ensues — absobloodylute chaos! 

Who says you can’t make up words?

You know I love the comics and their freedom with words. Recently, “Get Fuzzy”, written and drawn by Darby Conley, threw in some original words. Bucky Katt came up with ruddite, meaning “a rude luddite”. Then added dimpid (dim and stupid), and ugloying (ugly and annoying), before Rob asked, “Are you smelliotic then?” Figure it out! Then go on and make up your own new words. That’s the US-language way!

Three Downers: If, Hope, But

If… hope… but…These words look innocuous enough, but they pack connotations that are extremely negative.

“If you agree, we can continue.”  (There’s a distinct chance you will not agree.)
“I hope you like what you see.” (Likewise, you probably won’t like it at all.)
“I like your style, really, but…” (Well, you know what comes next.) Yes, “really” falls into this category as well, when used excessively. Always question your date who insists, “I really do like you, but…”

Keep your writing on the up and up, positive, euphoric, hopeful even, and notice the positive responses you attract.

Alright already!

The people who have the most fun with words are writers of the comics. Today Stephan Pastis, writer/illustrator of “Pearls Before Swine” toyed with the one-l/two-ll syndrome. Someone criticized him for using “alright” in his strip. “Is the poor guy alright?” asked Mouse. “Hey, don't criticize him, alright?” replied Stephan. To which Pig asked, “Alright, alright. What’s going on here?”

Purists (ugh!) claim the phrase needs two l’s (all right). Yet, users keep on using just one l. Who’s right? What’s going on here?”

Multi-tasking Adjectives

Sometimes one adjective won’t do. Several words pop into mind and that’s when you call in the hyphens. Here are some examples:

Sometimes this feels like a dog-eat-dog world.
I’m always happy-as-a-lark to offer hope.
Or am I just a whistling-in-the-wind optimist?

Now you try it! Multi-hyphened-words form the entire adjective and are often more effective than a plain-old-one-word modifier.

Anyone for tennis?

Anyone, anybody, any one, and any body get confused sometimes.  
Anyone generally refers to any person, as in “Anyone in the mood for fun?”  
Any one singles out the subject, as in “Any one of you could stand a little humor.”
As for anybody and any body, same thing! “Does anybody want to play?” “Any body in this room could pull off a good joke.”
Both anybody and anyone are used as singular pronouns that take singular verbs.

Update on spelling OK

Webster’s dictionary has come to the conclusion that OK is okay as the preferred spelling. In an earlier blog entry, The Grammar Anarchist told the joke about OK standing for “all correct”. Research turns up the story that OK actually stands for “oll korreck” which was used by President Andrew Jackson to approve bills. Yeah! He wasn’t the best speller in the country. My choice remains with “okay”. I still cannot see letters as words. Now you must decide: OK, O.K., or okay?

Will you respond “short” or “shortly”?

The word “short”, while being relative (how short is short?) confuses when the more apt meaning may be “shortly”.

1. “The money in the till is short for the third day in a row,” yelled the manager.
2. The new clerk, a short guy called “Shorty”, would be asked some questions shortly.
3. “Don't be short with me,” the clerk begged. “My bank account was short of funds.”
4. The manager responded with a short remark, “You’re fired.”

#1 short money (adjective)
#2 short guy (adj.) asked shortly (adverb)
#3 be short (adv.); short funds (adj.)
#4 short remark (adj.) with double meaning: The remark was brief and indicated annoyance.

As an adjective, short means “less than, smaller than, not as long, not as much”. It also means “abrupt”.
As an adverb, shortly means “soon, in a small amount of time”, also “a manner of speaking abruptly”.
Shorty is just a nickname.


*For even more meanings, check out your dictionary.

I Hate To Harp (Actually, I Love It), BUT...

Listen closely; I may not repeat this message.

I’ve screamed, I’ve hollered, I’ve cried, I’ve whispered, and I’ve cursed. Still, I receive questions about using an apostrophe to make a noun plural. No, No, a thousand times NO! A bunch of apples has no apostrophe! Only the apple’s core or the apple’s peeling or the apple’s blossom rates the apostrophe.

An apostrophe indicates two things: 1) in the cases of the core, peeling, and blossom (above), it shows possession. 2) The other use is to indicate something left out, f’r cryin’ out loud! Don’t you see that?

IS NO ONE LISTENING?

Do You Feel Persecuted or Prosecuted?

The answer depends on whether or not you’re in court yet. You can feel persecuted (annoyed, bothered, discriminated against, or harassed) without a lawyer, but if you’re being prosecuted, best to hire that lawyer (you could be in deep doo-doo).

Are you “beside” yourself?

“Love Me Like a Man...” Really?

There’s a song that Diana Krall sings that drives me up the wall when I hear it. Sung by a woman, she is asking, “Love me like a man...”. Now I have to wonder: does she want someone to love her as a man would love her, or is she asking someone to love her as if she were a man? Gender issues are difficult enough to unsnare without them bubbling over into song!

BYAM — an excellent guideline

Trouble remembering whether it’s “between you and I” or “between you and me”? Use the BYAM mnemonic tool and you’ll never be wrong again. I could tell you why, but then it wouldn’t be fun!

Who Changed Brit-English to U.S.-English?

No, it wasn't The Grammar Anarchist, although the need persists. (Will we never learn?)

ANSWER: Noah Webster. Yup! Back BEFORE the U.S. Constitution was finalized, he taught school and realized the blasphemy of teaching British words to kids whose parents were overthrowing the king. He wrote the Blue-Backed Speller for his students and published it in 1783. He followed that with a grammar book in 1784 and a reader in 1785.

Still, we insist on spelling honor with a “u” and center with the “er” reversed!

Time to Get To Work

“The holidays have passed”, says the Spirit of Holidays Past. Time to paste in some more cheery words as a pastime for the grammar geeks.

On the cusp of a new year, we use words such as “passed, past, pastime” and often mix up the spelling. Careful, Writer, even the experienced ones do it! You’re not the only one to muck up your memories of yore. There are many who mix their words as they’re concentrating on the melody.

Oops is a 4-letter word! Avoid having to use it.