Look What You Can Tuck Into Your Pocket!

My dream to place help to the grammatically challenged, right into your pocket, is coming alive. The first sixteen parts of my new series — GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET — have been gently downloaded onto Kindle. These are the parts of speech and punctuation that give so much trouble to those who want “rules”:

1—Introduction (FREE)
2—Nouns
3—Pronouns
4—Verbs
5—Adjectives
6—Adverbs
7—Clauses and Phrases
8—Conjunctions
9—Prepositions

10—Articles & Interjections
11—Commas
12—Colons, Semicolons, Periods
13—Question Marks & Exclamation Pointns
14—Parentheses, Brackets, & Quotation Marks
15—More Dots and Dashes
16—Putting it All Together (FREE)

#1—The Introduction and #16—Putting It All Together — available FREE — to get you started. Here you’ll understand the problems Americans have learning nefarious grammar “rules”. That's because those infamous, purported, mystical “rules” mostly apply to the linguists who dream them up. (But don’t get me started. See for yourself.)

You can download to your Kindle each or any other section at only 99¢ apiece; such a deal! 
So you want to refresh your understanding of Adjectives? Download Number 5—Adjectives. 
If you’re unsure about what nouns to capitalize, download Number 2—Nouns. 
Simple, easy, and instructive: just look in your pocket!
Your grammar skills will impress your boss, your clients, your friends, and your family.

Upcoming will be a section on Tips for Writers. I’m promising that before I leave for my trip to the beach this summer, you will have all you need to know about GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET!

LIE and LAY (One More Time)

How many times do I have to say it: LAY and LIE are both verbs, yes. But one is active (lay), and one is passive (lie). You lay something (some object) down; then it lies there.

Still confused about “The book lay on the table for two days”? That’s because LAY is also the past tense of “to lie”.

I lay in my bed until six a.m. (Past Tense)
She laid in her bed until noon. (Past Tense)
The book lay on the table for two days because that is where I laid it. (Past Tense)

I lie in bed as long as I wish. (Present Tense)
She is lying in her bed longer. (Present Tense)
The book will still lie on that table for two more days because that's where I laid it. (Lie: Present Tense / Laid: Past Tense)

Got it? Don’t ever let me hear you get it backwards again! (Now I lay me down to sleep… Do you see the object of that verb?)

How Would You Play With a Goat?

Would you, could you, should you… these italicized words indicate auxiliary verbs (will, can, shall). But don’t worry about what they’re called. How do you use the darned things?

Often when I’m editing a manuscript (especially a memoir) I find myself deeply mired in a morass of woulds. If I had a dollar for every “would”, I could retire to the Alps where I once spent a summer. 

In those days I would play with the goats all day, who would enjoy the frolic, and would reward me with wet licks of my face. I would often yodel as I played.

See what I mean? too many! And too many woulds spoil a story.
My edit: 

In those days I played with the goats all day, who enjoyed the frolic and rewarded me with wet licks on my face. I often yodeled as I played.

See how much more active that reads? Look at those verbs; they fairly reek flavor.

Now you try it. Look at the last memoir (or any account of an event) that you wrote and count the woulds. Too many? Rewrite!

Want to know how a would should be used? Proper use of would uses the word to help another verb that is or has been often repeated.  

A goat would chew on a stick all day, if given the chance. 
As a child, I would pull on my hair when I was frightened. 
Viewers of the movie would laugh in the wrong place.

Treat the would with kid gloves. (Sorry, that was baaaed; I couldn’t resist!)

Speak, spoke, spoken / Prove, proved, proven. . .

What’s are the differences between the verbs speak, spoke and spoken? Prove, proved, and proven? A whole mountain of difference. And why doesn’t spoke have a spoked?

Prove is the present tense and proved is the past tense of the verb “to prove”. Proven is the participle.

She proves she caught the biggest fish.
However, she proved it too late.
Now she has proven she was right.

Speak is the present tense and spoke is the past tense of the verb “to speak”. Spoken is the participle.

He speaks too loudly after a beer.
She spoke too wildly when she scolded him yesterday.
The two have not spoken since.

The “en” words are participles, which require auxiliary (or helping) verbs.

The world has proved it is warming.
The geologists have spoken.

Now, try to figure out what the heck a participle is! And where can you find one? Perhaps you could get the real skinny in my book, The Anarchist's Guide to Grammar. Or did you know there is a book? I can prove it. Go to Amazon.com and place your order. The author has spoken!

Misplacing “Either”

“I tend to lose either my keys or my glasses” indicates a tendency to lose things. This sentence has one verb (lose) and two objects (keys and glasses)

“I tend to either lose my keys or my glasses or misplace them” indicates a tendency to sometimes lose things or sometimes misplace them. This sentence has two verbs (lose and misplace) and one object (them).

Here is an example of the need to know your verb from your object. Notice where the adjective either is placed (before the verb or before the object(s)). Got it?

We be; you be; all us folks be;

How come “to be” doesn’t act like a verb? It is probably the most used (and overused) verb in the English language — in its myriad forms: is, are, am, were, was, have been. With a verb like “to run”, we can cover the gamut: I run, you run, we run, etc. But not the verb “to be”. Grrrr!

Please avoid trying to push this round verb into a square sentence. It’s okay to write:

“I want to be a star.”
or “To be a star takes work.”
or ”You need talent to be a star.”

It is NOT okay to use this poor little rich verb in the following manner:

“When you’re a star, be it now or in two weeks…”
or “You are special, if you be understanding that.”
or “ When you be a star, you’ll know fame and fortune.”

Any writer who wants to become a star must understand the fine point usage notes concerning the verb “to be”. Got it?

Verb Degrees

Choose a verb, any verb, preferably  a benign one and its extreme opposite (stroll --> race; tap --> pound; sip --> gulp). Insert other verbs that will take the benign verb, by small increments, to the extreme at the other end.

Here's my challenge: Move from “whisper” --> “screech”.

 My attempt: whisper, murmur, hum, speak, converse, enunciate, emphasize, shout, yell, scream, shriek, cry, screech…

Can you insert some other verbs in between?