LIE and LAY (One More Time)

How many times do I have to say it: LAY and LIE are both verbs, yes. But one is active (lay), and one is passive (lie). You lay something (some object) down; then it lies there.

Still confused about “The book lay on the table for two days”? That’s because LAY is also the past tense of “to lie”.

I lay in my bed until six a.m. (Past Tense)
She laid in her bed until noon. (Past Tense)
The book lay on the table for two days because that is where I laid it. (Past Tense)

I lie in bed as long as I wish. (Present Tense)
She is lying in her bed longer. (Present Tense)
The book will still lie on that table for two more days because that's where I laid it. (Lie: Present Tense / Laid: Past Tense)

Got it? Don’t ever let me hear you get it backwards again! (Now I lay me down to sleep… Do you see the object of that verb?)

How Would You Play With a Goat?

Would you, could you, should you… these italicized words indicate auxiliary verbs (will, can, shall). But don’t worry about what they’re called. How do you use the darned things?

Often when I’m editing a manuscript (especially a memoir) I find myself deeply mired in a morass of woulds. If I had a dollar for every “would”, I could retire to the Alps where I once spent a summer. 

In those days I would play with the goats all day, who would enjoy the frolic, and would reward me with wet licks of my face. I would often yodel as I played.

See what I mean? too many! And too many woulds spoil a story.
My edit: 

In those days I played with the goats all day, who enjoyed the frolic and rewarded me with wet licks on my face. I often yodeled as I played.

See how much more active that reads? Look at those verbs; they fairly reek flavor.

Now you try it. Look at the last memoir (or any account of an event) that you wrote and count the woulds. Too many? Rewrite!

Want to know how a would should be used? Proper use of would uses the word to help another verb that is or has been often repeated.  

A goat would chew on a stick all day, if given the chance. 
As a child, I would pull on my hair when I was frightened. 
Viewers of the movie would laugh in the wrong place.

Treat the would with kid gloves. (Sorry, that was baaaed; I couldn’t resist!)

Beware the Mighty Pronouns

How important are pronouns? How would you feel if you received either of the following messages?

Some people are invited to participate, but not women.
The winner is predetermined to be a man.

Let’s rephrase those to show how pronouns project those messages — often without meaning to.

This contest is open to every entrant who shows his identification.
The winner will receive his front row tickets in the mail.

If you’re a woman, you know what I’m talking about — that beastly masculine pronoun that once was expected to serve all of “mankind”. Well, no more. What is the solution? Ah, let me count the ways. There are many, but here are two to get you started.

Phrase the message to avoid the pronoun. (The winner will receive front row tickets in the mail.)
Use plurals. (This contest is open to all entrants who show their identification.)

Now go and sin no more with sexist pronouns. Include all of humankind when you speak or write — unless you want to exclude others. And that’s not nice!