Righting a Wrong!

The daily newspaper quiz today asked for the “official” languages of a number of countries: from Egypt and Iran to Iceland and Pakistan. I wasn’t stumped when it came to “United States” because — as any red-blooded American knows — we speak and write English. So I was amazed to read the answers: Egypt, Arabic; Iran, Persian (Farsi); Iceland, Icelandic (duh!); and Pakistan, Urdu. 

And what is the official language of the United States? Answer: “None”! NONE! We have no official language in the U.S. What’s worse is that we are the ONLY country in the world without one! Alas and alack! Woe and misery! The most powerful nation in the world has no language (officially)!

So let’s fix that. Right here! Right now! The Grammar Anarchist declares publicly and loudly that the Official Language of the United States is… (drum roll)… USA-English. Other “English-speaking” countries use the hyphen-English language as theirs, officially. Why not the USA? You’ve heard of Canadian-English (eh?) and Australian-English (g-day!) even Indian-English (what-ho!). Well, beginning today — NOW:

THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE

OF THE UNITED STATES IS

HERE AND FOREVERMORE

KNOWN AS USA-ENGLISH!

At last! Aaaahhhh!