To Hiss or Not To Hiss…

If you want to appreciate your language, read the comics pages; I wouldn’t miss them! Most of the time I admire the way the writers use language — they love to play with words, which I particularly enjoy, especially the puns. As an editor, I am obsessed with editing printed text — and in doing so with the comic section recently, I came across the “hissing” problem. What caught my eye was the phrase “an historic event”.

What is the hissing problem? you may ask. This involves the decision to use the hissing sound when a word begins with the letter H, which results in deciding whether to use the article “a” or “an” to precede it. Some words starting with H make a sound; some don’t. Let me show you what I mean.

Repeat after me:

1) honestly, hour, heiress, hors d’oeuvre
2) history, hammer, humble, hymn, hundred
3) herb*

With the first row, you did not hiss; these are words with a silent H and use the article “an”.

In the second row, you hissed all over the place; each word begins with a pronounced H and is preceded with the article “a”.

When you reached the third row, you may have hesitated. “Herb” is one of those words that can be pronounced either way, depending on how erudite you wish to sound (or whose name you’re struggling with). Oh yes, many mispronounce the H-words, pretending to sound more learned. Others simply imply the sound by using “an” instead of “a”. Who would not say “an historic occasion”, sliding across the H? The reason is that it’s easier to pronounce. However, the written phrase appears correctly as “a historic occasion”. This conundrum dates back to the British days when the Cockney accent omitted all of the Hs that started words.

There is another letter that offers a similar problem: how to pronounce the U at the beginning of a word.

Listen as you pronounce these words:

1) united, utensil, unanimous, universal, usual
2) untie, umpire, ulterior, ugly, umbrella, utter

In the first row, you pronounced the words as if they begin with Y (the yoo or the eew-sound).

The words in the second row begin with an UH sound and utilize the article “an”.

Take care, not only with the way you pronounce words in spoken language, but the way you write words that have multiple pronunciations. And read the comics pages every day! Not only will it help with word usage, but you’ll stay young with laughter.

*Thanks to artist Dan Piraro, who draws the clever (and grammatical) Pizarro comic strip, for permission to use this comic that fell out of his talented pen the day after I originally posted this piece.

Have You Lost a Spelling Bee Lately?

So you have trouble spelling words correctly in U.S.-English! Don’t be surprised. The reason is simple. U.S.-English is comprised of every other language in the world. Yup! But you knew that. So why sweat it? F’rinstance: how do you spell that red sauce you spread on burgers? catsup, catchup, cetsup, ketsup, ketchup, katchup? Or the holy Muslim scripture? Quran, Koran, Curan, Coran, Quran, Quoran, Qu’ran? Answer below.

Here are four ways to simplify the problem: (NOTE: I didn’t say “solve”!)

1. Dig out the roots. Find parts of a word that are like other words with similar meanings. You’ll never misspell “medicinal” again, as long as you remember how to spell “medicine”. Or “decadent” if you remember how to spell “decade”.
2. The Prefix-Suffix Method. This system removes the plight of double letters. If the prefix ends in the same letter that the root word begins, add them together (1+1) and get double letters (un-necessary, ac-commodate, im-mediate, mis-spell). Doubling in not needed if those connecting letters are different (disappear, renovation, ineligible, recommend). The same formula works with the suffix (common-ness, logical-ly, final-ly, grand-ness, grand-ly, like-ly).
3. Pronounce words correctly. But BEWARE the Homonyms (words that sound alike but are spelled differently). These include there/they're/their and pair/pare/pear and fair/fare and bear/bare. In some parts of the country, another evil lurks. These words may sound alike: tar/tear/tire or fare/fear/for/fair/far. We had a President who pronounced “government” in two syllables, as “gub-ment”; and another who insisted on saying “nuc-u-lar” instead of “nu-clear”. And scores of people sell their homes through “real-a-tors” rather than “real-tors”.
4. Lose a spelling bee! (You’ll never forget your last word.) Or paste this quote from Thomas Edison: “It’s a damn poor mind that can spell a word only one way.” Because many words are translated from other languages, spelling becomes curious. Do you spell dialog, monolog, catalog with the added “ue” (dialogue, monologue, catalogue) or not? Here’s the antidote: make a list your problem words, look them up in a current dictionary, and record the preferred spelling (yes, many of those words have alternate spellings).

ANSWER to questions in first paragraph: the choice is yours. Just be consistent in using it.

NOTE TO WRITERS who depend on spell-check systems: DON’T!

Sexism is Alive

Let me rant a bit about the words we use to describe people. In particular, female people and male people. Notice how often you’ll find the following identification of a man:

John Smith, a handsome father of three and grandfather of two, looked appealing, his thinning gray hair and opulent mustache showing off his sparkling blue eyes. He wore a slate gray wool suit with solid blue tie, a matching handkerchief in the pocket, and appeared slightly nervous as he addressed his adoring audience.

Or the following identification of a woman:

Joanna Smith, a skilled cardiac surgeon (lawyer, stockbroker, economist, author, actor, drummer), strode confidently onto the stage and spoke directly to the crowd of 300 amassed to hear her speech. Dr. Smith’s discovery of less invasive heart surgery techniques will save many lives in the future.

While these depictions are slightly stretched, the reality is that a man is described by his status and accomplishments while a woman is described by her appearance, in detail, with notations of offspring.

If you don’t believe that sexist discrimination is still alive, do an Internet search for the “leading women sportscasters”. You’ll find a group of photogenic young women, mostly blonds, exposing decolletage that reaches halfway to their toes.  Now do a search for male sportscasters (or even just sportscasters) and you find lists of men with depictions of their journalism backgrounds and/or sports connections — and no photographs.

Oh, didn't I mention it? Almost all of those photogenic blonds listed their sports experience as “cheerleader”.

What Attracts You to People?

That’s the question posed in a recent survey among people of all ages, genders, sizes, races, and places in life:

What is it about someone that makes you want to know them better, do business with them, date them…

The first three answers are interesting. But it’s the third one that fascinates me the most — and should interest you too.

First answer: a SMILE.

“When someone has a sincere smile, I’m attracted.”
“I consider a sweet smile worth a pile of gold.”
“A beautiful smile reflects a beautiful soul, a positive thinker, someone like me.” 

Second answer: a TWINKLE in the eyes.

“I love to see twinkling eyes; that says a person is alive and well inside.”
“The eyes give you away. A twinkle can’t be phoney.”
“If I see a twinkle in his eye, I know this guy is excited about life and maybe me.”

Ah, my friends, now comes the third answer. (Pause to take deep breath!)

Number 3: good GRAMMAR! You betcha!

“When somebody uses a double negative, I flinch. Doesn’t she care about the way she sounds?”
“Oh, I have so many peeves about bad grammar, but the worst is between you and I — like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.”
“Bad grammar screams uneducated, sloppy, messy, dumb!”

Whether you come across bad grammar in speaking or in writing, how do you feel about the person behind the words?

Want to know my unfavorite faux pas that exposes a careless word user? I see it often in emails, which I usually disregard because the writer is moving fast. But still, wouldn’t they think enough of themselves to capitalize their own pronoun — “I”?

Okay, so English is the only language that capitalizes the word; but not capitalizing it sends a message — to many like me — that you don’t care enough about yourself to capitalize “I”. Chew on that tidbit for a moment.

Grammar reflects your personality, your brain traits, and your self respect. Be careful how you use it!

I Don’t Need No Editor!

How many times have I heard that? I’ve even said it myself. But oh my, how quickly I learned better. Like surgeons, editors don’t operate on their own work.

Need some convincing?

When you “edit” your own work:

Do you look for missing punctuation? Periods at the end of sentences? Question marks at the end of questions? 

Do you look for missing commas? Do you know where to insert commas?

Do you understand “smart apostrophes”? And how to fix backward apostrophes?

Are you sure you don’t spell “envelope” the same way you spell “develop”? Is “backyard” one word… or two? And how do you spell that red sauce you put on hamburgers? ketchup, catsup, cetchup, katsup?

Are you spelling a character’s name the same way in Chapter 14 as you did in Chapter 3?

Which numbers do you spell out and which do you use as numerals?

 Do you recognize how many times you’ve used your favorite word (really, so, only, but…)?

Do you know if you’ve been consistent with verb tenses?

Just some things to think about when you want your manuscript to be as error-free as possible. Professional editors consider these and many other grammar/punctuation concerns when they edit. Oh yes, they also keep track of the time element in your story, the action locations, costuming, even the music of your words and the rhythm of your writing. 

How do I know these things? I am a professional editor.

They Like the New GIYP!

Love my books; love me! Apparently something is working because my new series, Grammar In Your Pocket, is doing well. Seems people like the instant access to their grammar and punctuation problems. If you haven’t downloaded any copy yet, go to www.kindle.com and search either by topic (nouns, adjectives, commas, apostrophes, etc.) or by Series: Grammar In Your Pocket.

HINT: The most popular so far is Book #24 Grammar Glitches. Here you’ll find all the common grammar problems of the U.S.-English language — everything from affect/effect to who/whom!

Grammar In Your Pocket — just for you!

Heave a sigh of relief. Grammar help is on the way! Now you can find instant answers to your grammar questions by downloading any one of the 24 parts to the new series: Grammar In Your Pocket. Then pack away the information on your pocket electronics to keep it handy.

The series is available on www.kindle.com where you can search by subject. Order on amazon.com. There are 24 of them and each costs only 99¢. What? You say you don't own a Kindle? You can order a physical reader (so you can read in bed or on a bus), or you can download a Kindle reader FREE to your computer. Check it out! These are the subjects you can choose:

Parts of Speech: 
Introduction • Nouns • Pronouns • Verbs • Adjectives • Adverbs • Phrases & Clauses • Conjunctions • Prepositions • Articles & Interjections

Punctuation: 
Commas • Colons, Semicolons, & Periods • Parentheses, Brackets, Quotation Marks  •  Question Marks & Exclamation Points • More Dots & Dashes

Help For Writers: 
Putting It Together • Words • Sentences • Paragraphs • Spelling • Numbers • Unbiased Language • Writing Style • Grammar Glitches

You’ll never have to worry again about whether to say “between you and I” or “between you and me”. Plus, your spelling will improve enough for you to win any spelling bee!

Pick up one or more titles at a time until you have the entire series. And you’ll never need another grammar book to keep your writing and grammar usage impressive. Your friends, family, bosses, and business associates will swoon to hear you referring confidently to nouns, adjectives, semicolons, writing style, and even participles with confidence. And always keeping things between you and me!

Look What You Can Tuck Into Your Pocket!

My dream to place help to the grammatically challenged, right into your pocket, is coming alive. The first sixteen parts of my new series — GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET — have been gently downloaded onto Kindle. These are the parts of speech and punctuation that give so much trouble to those who want “rules”:

1—Introduction (FREE)
2—Nouns
3—Pronouns
4—Verbs
5—Adjectives
6—Adverbs
7—Clauses and Phrases
8—Conjunctions
9—Prepositions

10—Articles & Interjections
11—Commas
12—Colons, Semicolons, Periods
13—Question Marks & Exclamation Pointns
14—Parentheses, Brackets, & Quotation Marks
15—More Dots and Dashes
16—Putting it All Together (FREE)

#1—The Introduction and #16—Putting It All Together — available FREE — to get you started. Here you’ll understand the problems Americans have learning nefarious grammar “rules”. That's because those infamous, purported, mystical “rules” mostly apply to the linguists who dream them up. (But don’t get me started. See for yourself.)

You can download to your Kindle each or any other section at only 99¢ apiece; such a deal! 
So you want to refresh your understanding of Adjectives? Download Number 5—Adjectives. 
If you’re unsure about what nouns to capitalize, download Number 2—Nouns. 
Simple, easy, and instructive: just look in your pocket!
Your grammar skills will impress your boss, your clients, your friends, and your family.

Upcoming will be a section on Tips for Writers. I’m promising that before I leave for my trip to the beach this summer, you will have all you need to know about GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET!

Bizzy, Bizzy, Bizzy

Do you agree? Too much to do in so little time! I’ve learned that you can do only so much; then you have to take a breather; go for a walk; go to a movie, pick up groceries; plant a garden; take pictures of your grandkids…

So I took a breather. And what did I do? Worked on a new project! (Of course I don't listen to my inner critic. Who does!)

A primary project has been put on hold… again. I’m putting together a series of short grammar articles for eBooks, called Grammar In Your Pocket. Each article focuses on a part of speech or punctuation or writing problem. Each is short. Each tells you all you need to know — or want to — about that subject. Plans are to put out one article a week. If you download the complete set, you’ll have everything you need to know about grammar, right in your pocket, easy to carry around with you and access as you need it.

Let’s say you’re wondering about a word to capitalize. Open the series marked “Nouns” and go to the “Capitalize” section and… there you have it.

My problem? I’m learning to fine-tune work for easy reading on electronic readers. Fun and confusing. With a good wind and a lot of luck, you can look for the Introductory article next week (before Easter) and every week thereafter.

Guest Grammar Geek (her words)

For All You Mullygrubbers!

mullygrub (verb)
mullygrubs (moody noun)
mullygrubber (person to avoid)

The word mullygrubs came up on NPR recently and befuddled many people — both reporters and listeners. This is one of the best one-word descriptions alive (barely); it is attached to those moody, lackadaisical, gloomy, annoying people who just collywobble around, bringing negative energy to everyone.

If that isn’t enough to keep you away (or to keep you from becoming one), know that collywobble is a verb meaning to “belly-ache” (derived from “collic” and “stomach ache”). Got it?

Where the term mullygrub comes from is equally interesting (to us word geeks). An Aussie reports that a mullygrub is a cricket noun, referring to a bowled ball that “just rolls along the ground, keeping the batsman from scoring more than one run”, and therefore turning the defeated bowler into a collywobbler who resorts to any method to win with no consideration of long-term results. (Sounds as if it should be part of U.S. political grammar.)

Wait! There’s more! The word mully is a variant of muley, which refers to cattle with no horns. And how do hornless cattle behave without a means of defense? They get the mullygrubs, which turns them into very blah animals — thus mullygrubbers — blue, sad, down in the dumps.

Don’t be a mullygrubber! Forget the collywobbles and get out there and throw a party, ride a roller coaster, ask an attractive person out to dine, run naked through the stre... no, better skip that last one!

This is a post by a guest artist who apparently writes just like me.
She is Joanne Nakaya. Get a load of her writing blog! What fun!

OK, is it okay to O.K. an okay sentence including o.k.?

Next Sunday, March 23, 2014, has been named “OK Day”, celebrating the 175th anniversary of the appearance of this innovative word/sound/phrase. On March 23, 1839 okay appeared for the first time in a U.S. newspaper — The Boston Morning Post. It was a gimmick, folks — part of an abbreviation craze in this new country of ours. But, oh how it stuck!

How many ways can you write it? OK?
How often do you use the term okay?
Do you realize that this innocuous little term — “okay” — not only has uses in several parts of speech, but it also has a history? Who knew?

Answer to Question #1: You can write this term in all caps, a combination of cap and lower case, as a four-letter word or a two-word abbreviation (with or without periods). All are OKAY, OK, O.K., okay, ok, o.k.

Answer to Question #2: You have probably used the term more than 175 times today if you are working or socializing among other people, and possibly 25 to 30 times if you’re working alone at your computer and phone.

Answer to Question #3: Oh yes! You can use “okay” as a noun (You have my okay), a verb (Please okay this agreement today), an adjective (You’re an okay kind of person), and adverb (Is your computer running okay?), and an expletive/interjection (Okay!).

As for history, don’t believe those who try to tell you it originated with President Martin VanBuren, who is reputed to have referred to his connections with Old Kinderhook! Didn’t happen! Or with President Wilson, who reputedly repeated a term he had heard. Okay may  have come from the Greek ola kala, meaning “all good” or the Choctaw word, “okeh”, a sound-alike. After okay became used publicly in 1839, it is believed to have been immortalized in an unnamed slang dictionary in 1864. Probably not true.

And no! There's no way it stands for Oklahoma, as fine a state as OK may be.

Celebrate Our Day!

Today, Tuesday, March 4, is National Grammar Day. How do you celebrate? Take a grammar to lunch? Buy your grammar a dozen roses? Or just watch your mouth. Not easy in this day of purple prose — f-words and s-words and xyz-words. Take a hint from our classy forebears whose words remain on our lips for decades — nay centuries — long after the speakers are gone. They chose words that cut, struck chords, made points, all without reverting to the profanity of the day (or was it the profanity of the day?).

Notice where profane words originate? In the bathroom (considered childish obsession with the digestive system), in the bedroom (sexual activity has long bothered Americans), in humor (making fun of others), and in ways to diminish the character of another.

Where our grandparents got by using such expletives as gosh darn, drat, egad, yikes, gee, and golly, their grandchildren easily display potty mouths — most likely for shock value to adults, but more for the easy of finding a pet cuss word and using it as often as possible. The cure? Find a pet cuss word that only you define as “profanity”.

U.S.-English is rich with wonderful words that would send an enemy or opponent scurrying off to find a dictionary. Consider: scurrilous, blasphemous, file, coprophagous, cloacal, ribald, execrable, ominous, minacious, maledictory, damnatory, desiccative.

On this holiest of holy days, watch your language. 

1) Keep your dictionary tucked inside your iPod or your pocket.
2) Find a mobile copy of a thesaurus.
3) Delight in coming up with dissident, dissentient, dissipated, disassociated word that will blow away the need for bathroom or bedroom attempts at humor.

When you stare your opponent in the eye, smile, and describe that person in extraordinary words, you'll feel so much better.

Be a proud grammar user.

 

The President Filches From the Proverbs

Did you hear it? President Obama has the “proverbial reset button”. True! I heard it on NPR. You have to wonder where he got it and where he keeps it.

When I checked the Proverbs, I’ll be darned; I couldn’t find a single “reset button” listed.

Be careful when choosing modifiers, such as proverbial and literal and absolute and first and, especially, unique. These are sometimes called “ultimates”. Make sure the ultimate is precisely what you mean.

I would expect poverbial to mean “from Proverbs” or at least “in wide usage” — and old. 

Literal infers reality over metaphor. You may think you are “literally swimming in debt”, but you are metaphorically paddling among your IOUs. You literally swim in water! 

Absolute means there is nothing more to be added or done. “Absolute control of the situation” means that no other has any control at all. 

First is another ultimate. You may be the first to enter the building, or (more likely) among the first to enter the building. Remember, there is only one first (just ask an Olympic competitor). 

Unique is the ultimate most abused in today’s language. Like first, unique means “the only one”. Which means something cannot be “sorta unique” or “somewhat unique” or even “very unique”. 

Bottom line (literally); ultimates need no modifiers. That is absolutely what makes them unique — even in proverbial usage.

That Pronoun Thing — Again!

Yes, it’s all true. That pronoun thing is getting worse. Not only do I find speakers and writers putting themselves first in multiple groups (me and her, me and him, me and them), but… oh the pain! Here’s what ruffles my poor aching eyes and ears:

John and I’s house is for sale.
Her’s and mine’s anniversary is tomorrow.
It’s celebration will be simple.
Don’t tell me that their’s and our’s spelling is wrong.

Well, guess what? It is! Those sentences include apostrophes that have invaded the Pronoun Patch.  What’s almost as bad, the pronouns have been mis-used, abused, rattled, scrambled, and out of whack. Here's what those sentences should look and sound like:

John’s and my house is for sale. (Our house is for sale would do.)
Her and my anniversary is tomorrow. (Awkward, but better. Our anniversary is tomorrow / much better.)
Its celebration will be simple. (See? No apostrophe at all!)
Don’t tell me that their and our spelling is wrong. (Again, awkward, but better. Don’t tell me that all our spelling is wrong / much better.)

Pay attention now:

There are no apostrophes in possessive pronouns: yours, ours, theirs, mine, his, hers, its. 

Please write that in big 72-point font and paste it across your refrigerator, pen, pencil, computer keyboard, nose, and mirror. No apostrophes pu-leez!

A Preposition is a Terrible Thing to Waste

What is a Preposition? 

What do Prepositions do? 

Why do writers use too many Prepositions? 

How do you keep them useful without giving them a big head?

Good questions. Here are some Grammar Anarchist answers.

A Preposition is an introduction to a descriptive phrase. That phrase can modify either an adjective or an adverb (which is where the terms “adverbial phrase” and “adjective phrase” come from). The Preposition generally provides direction or relationship (in, out, under, over, up, down, with, before, behind, etc.) Therefore, if a phrase is to do a good job modifying, it needs something to modify. That’s where the noun or verb comes in. Here are a few examples of “adverbial phrase”:

She walked regularly in the park, near the creek, with her dog. (Whew! Three in a row!)
The dog toddled along behind the walker, on a leash. (Only two of them here.)
Neither the dog nor the walker appeared in a hurry. (One dab’ll do you!)

Notice how the bold-face prepositional phrases describe the verbs (walk, toddle, appear)

Here are some “adjective phrases”, which you will see modify the nouns:

The youth, in his teens, wearing only a light jacket with pockets, wanted hot coffee with cream.
His man next to him asked for an iced tea without sugar.
Both guys seemed anxious to get to the ballgame about to start.

 Here the bold-face phrases describe the nouns (youth, jacket, coffee, man, tea, ballgame).

Keep your prepositions useful by not overdoing. Some overloaded and overworked combinations include: off of, on in, near to, behind of, and in to (when what is meant is into).

Awkward: Keep your hands off of me if you want to get on in my favor and near to my heart, rather than behind of my good graces.
Neater: Keep your hands off me if you want to get in my favor and near my heart, rather than behind my good graces.

Now you know how to keep your Prepositions in tow. BTW, One walks into a room or situation, but once inside, one is in the room or the situation. Into moves; in says it’s too late to move; you’re stuck.

Respect your Prepositions; love them; keep them to a minimum.