What's Like a Metaphor?

A metaphor is like an enigma inside a quandary; you have to sense it, feel it. A metaphor is the wind whistling in the ear of an eland, the rain singing for its supper, the sunshine warming the heart of the earth. Got it?

"IS" Scorekeeping: U.S. 1; Spanish 2

The izziness of U.S. language allows only one word (is) to mean both "to exist temporarily" and "to exist forever". Spanish separates them and offers two. Know the difference between: "Usted esta un burro" and "Usted es un burro"? Shouldn't we have the same distinctive verbs?

Is it "Free"? or "For Free"?

Today's News Tribune Executive Editor wrote: "...we supply newspapers for free to students...." A laudible program, I'm sure. Still, The Grammar Anarchist asks, "Is that extra preposition necessary?" Why can't you "supply newspapers free to students"?

Is it Writer's Conference? OR Writers' Conference? OR Writers Conference?

Numerous organizations face the quandary of where to put the apostrophe (or, indeed, whether or not to use it) in their names. I once participated in a two-hour panel discussion about this conundrum. Our conclusion: No conclusion. Each has a reasonable meaning. What's your conclusion?

What's In a Name — Part IV

Nowhere in the Constitution of the United States are found the words Congressman or Congresswoman. Yet publications continue to blindly follow some style manual and discriminate by gender. Much preferred by The Anarchist are the titles Member of Congress and Congressional Representative, like it says in the Constitution (not the AP Style Manual!).

What's In a Name — Part III

Has your newspaper caught on yet that using chair, to indicate the leader of a group, is both more accurate and more space saving? Instead of designating chairman or chairwoman and taking a chance on the genders of Lee Smith, Kim Yang, Sam Brown, or Taylor White, why not use chair? In Roberts Rules of Order, the chair is considered both the position and the person.

What's In a Name — Part II

What about women's names? Does your newspaper still use the sexist Mrs. / Miss? OR Hepzibah Jones? Or does it use the man's name (Jones) and the woman's name with title, Ms. Jones? OR worse yet, her first name, Hepzibah?

What's In a Name?

How does your newspaper treat the name of a subject when repeating the name in an article? As in: Jeremiah Jones founded a business. Jones recently sold it. OR Mr. Jones recently sold it. OR Jeremiah recently sold it.

QUESTION: I just found a book written without quotation marks. Is that legal?

Legal? Legal? When speaking of literature, do not use words like "legal, rules, or correct". Writers can write however they feel the story is best told. If a reader can understand it, what's the diff?

Long, Longer, Longest

Which of these statements is correct (how I hate that word)? #1) Today is a long day.  
#2) Today is longer than yesterday.  #3) Today is the longest day of the year.
(Only #1 could be construed as "correct". Every day is as long as the one before — or after. It's the hours of daylight that vary.)

Language is fluid, like a river — it flows, changes direction, and sometimes stinks.

Have you read Chaucer's The Canterbury Tales (c.1385)? Here's a quote:

"And for ther is so gret diversite 
In Englissh and in writing of oure tonge, 
So prey I God that non miswrite thee, 
Ne thee mysmetre for defaute of tonge;"

Me, Myself, and I — When do you use which?

Myself and all the other self-words are called "reflexive pronouns"; they reflect, echo, bounce back to the nouns or pronouns they mirror. June kicked herself; Jacques found himself crying; they gave themselves chocolate. Careful not to use the self-word when an ordinary pronouns does a better job: No: She glared at him and myself; Yes: She glared at him and me. No: Elvis and myself took the motorcycle; Yes: Elvis and I took the motorcycle.

What's Wrong With "amidst" and "amongst"?

They're archaic, old, ancient, outdated, old-fashioned, obsolete. Need I say more?

QUESTION: What is a grocer's apostrophe?

That's the darned apostrophe that pops up in signs announcing Apple's For Sale. It doesn't belong there!!! You don't need an apostrophe for more than one apple (Apples For Sale). You do need it to show something the apple is doing: The apple's bobbing in the water. (The apple is bobbing in the water.) OR to show something the apple possesses: the apple's peel is green.

QUESTION: Which is right? "Different from" or "different than"?

Pul-eeze -- do NOT use words like "right" and "wrong" to me! Most writers freely use "different than" in order to save words. One of my guidelines is to save "different from" for use in front of prepositional phrases (you know, those preposition/object words). F'rinstance: Style manuals are different from each other.

QUESTION: My editor changed my text from "over 500 people attended" to "more than 500 people attended". Why?

Your editor is using a style manual that says: use more when referring to "numbers" and use over when referring to "above". Smart editor! Some style manuals don't notice this one.

QUESTION: When do you capitalize the "president" in the White House?

ANSWER: The Anarchist prefers to capitalize that President all the time, because she's referring to the office rather than the person. The status may have slipped, but the office needs to be recognized as important.

Front Page, Today's Newspaper

The headline says the guv won't run again. The cutline below the photo says “she won’t seek re-election with her husband, Mike,” and other members of the family. Misplaced commas — one missing and two inserted to indicate the governor may have more than one husband. Let's try it again: "she won't seek re-election, with her husband Mike..."

Mom and Pop Stuff

We love our moms and pops, but we don’t have to capitalize them unless we refer to Mom and Pop without adjectives. Since we'd get smacked if we called our moms and pops by their first names, we capitalize the pseudonyms: “Mom” and “Pop”.

The Magic-O Guideline

Tomato / tomatos; hero / heros; allegro / allegros; piano / pianos. No need to be bamboozled by which o-nouns are made plural with “s” and which use “es”. Simplify your writing life: adopt The Anarchist's Magic-O Guideline. Just...say...“os”. I've never met an o-noun that loses its identity with this guideline.

Presumptive Pronouns from "Me"-ers

My insides crawl every time I hear "me and him...(did something)", or "me and her...(did something)". Most likely a hold-over from the Me Generation, it still comes across as aggrandizement of self. To a grammar anarchist, "me" and "him" are bad form (use the subjective "he" and "I"). Be polite and put the other person first.

Spelling Better -- Guideline #3

Your vocabulary increases by leaps and bounds when you take notice of root words, prefixes, and suffixes. Spell the root word correctly and similar words fall into place. Play anagram games, such as "Wheel of Fortune" and "Scrabble". Do crosswords.

There - They're - Their

They all sound the same, but oh my, what a difference. Defuse this: There is a reason why they're so confused about their language. There (subject/noun); they're (contraction, they are ); their (possessive pronoun).

Just Between Us

You and I may scuffle if I hear you using: "between you and I". Scrap that one! Bury it! Between is a preposition that requires "me" -- not "I". Tattoo this where you'll remember it: Between you and me.

Spelling Better -- Guideline #2

Keep a dictionary handy (don't rely on your computer Spellcheck). And forget that "i-before-e" nonsense; too many words are scofflaws.

Terms of Endearment

How archaic are the Terms of Endearment, left over from the 1920s! How “Dear” is someone you know casually or not at all? And how many hours can you save by not having to decide whether you are “sincere”, “true”, “cordial”, “respectful”, “warm”, et cetera? Leave them out!

What Century Are We In?

Why do writers insist on using such archaic words as: amongst, amidst, wouldst, doest, canst, wilst? Come on! Toss them out! You're in the 21st century.

Wanna Be a Better Speler?

Start with eliminating words such as wanna, gonna, gotta, kinda, and sorta. Not saying it isn't fun to use them in emails and informal notes, but please, at least know the real words. And check for typos before sending stuff out!

When "ue" Are Missing

When you read my reference to "dialog" or "monolog", you may notice the missing "ue". Do you miss the "ue" when you see "catalog"? Toss your British spelling book and get with U.S. spelling. The revolution has ended!

Prolific Pronouns

Look closely at issues about possession, shown in the use of possessive pronouns. Rewrite: "I kneel at my herb garden, with my seeds, and pour out my fertilizer, taking my time." Now try it without so much ownership: "I kneel at my herb garden, with seeds, and pour out the fertilizer, taking my time."

Do you believe "all punctuation belongs inside quotation marks"?

The Anarchist loves to overthrow this "rule". While you may follow blindly, if you wish, there are choices. When the last word of a phrase or sentence is not part of dialog, The Anarchist places the punctuation outside. Look again at the title and the first sentence!