Those Cunning Brits!

Imagine a language that uses single quote marks in dialog; spells color with a “u”; imagine a language that calls an elevator a “lift”; imagine a language that uses commas at random; and imagine a language that won't use the language of its own (Shakespeare)! That’s British English. Says Shakespeare: ‘Beware what you call good English.’ This from a man whose followers cannot decide how to spell his name (Shakespear, Shakspere, Shakespere...). Still, Old Bill often used “they” rather than insert the awkward “his/her” into his plays.

I’m ranting today about the British take-back of the United States. It’s happening quietly, slowly, insidiously, but it’s happening. Look around. Those wily Brits set up romantic alliances (think Diana and Prince Charles, Kate and Prince William, even Albert and Queen Victoria) to woo our sentimental hearts. In recent years, they also have stepped up “royal visits” to the U.S. (ostensibly to check up on Canada, but... well, you know!). The queen knows how in thrall we seem to be with everything British.

As for taking over our movie and entertainment industry, just look at the British thespians who have stolen our Oscars: Kate Winslet, Judy Dench, Julie Andrews, the Redgrave family (father, daughters, and progeny), Helen Mirren, Vivien Leigh, Alec Guinness, Laurence Olivier, Daniel Day-Lewis, Rex Harrison, Peter Ustinov, Michael Caine, culminating in the 2011 deluge of Christian Bale and everybody in and around “The King’s Speech” (about a British regent); and the musicians: Andrew Lloyd-Webber, Elton John, The Rolling Stones, David Bowie, Sting, and the Beatles; and comedians, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Fry, Stephanie Cole, Rowan Atkinson, Peter Sellers, John Cleese, Benny Hill, and Molly Sugden. To think it all started with Charlie Chaplin (a Brit)!

They’re even invading our food chain: replacing our favorite coffee with tea, teasing us with scones, beef Wellington, chutney, biscuits, and crisps (good heavens, crisps are French fries!).

Don’t get it yet? The British are coming! The British are coming! Time to hunker down and claim (at least) our language for our own. Chant with me: Ban the Brits! Ban the Brits!

Those Muddled Brits!

Imagine a language that uses single quote marks in dialog; spells color with a “u”; imagine a language that calls an elevator a “lift”; imagine a language that uses commas at random; and imagine a language that won't use the language of its own (Shakespeare)! That’s British English. Says Shakespeare: ‘Beware what you call good English.’ This from a man whose followers cannot decide how to spell his name (Shakespear, Shakspere, Shakespere...).

I’m ranting today about the British take-back of the United States. It’s happening quietly, slowly, but it’s happening. Look around. Those wily Brits set up romantic alliances (think Diana and Prince Charles, Kate and Prince William, even Albert and Queen Victoria) to woe our sentimental hearts. They also have stepped up “royal visits” to the U.S. (ostensibly to check up on Canada, but... well, you know!).

As for taking over our movie and entertainment industry, just look at the British thespians who have stolen our Oscars: Judy Dench, the Redgrave family (father, daughters, and progeny), Helen Mirren, Michael Cain; and the musicians: Elton John and the Beattles; and comedians, Hugh Laurie and Stephen Frye, Benny Hill, and Molly Sug.

They’ve even invaded our food chain: replacing our favorite coffee with tea, teasing us with scones, beef Wellington, and crisps (My heavens, they’re French fries!).

Why follow British rules?

Think about it! The U.S. sent the Red Coats on their way long ago. Isn't it time to rise up and banish the British-English rules? Claim your own U.S. language that eschews “right and wrong” and replaces those strictures with “what works best”. The Grammar Anarchist replaces Rules with Choice; The Grammar Anarchist says: Look at what the parts of speech and punctuation Do! Are you with me?

The Idio Family

How do you keep separate the Idio family?

Only an idiot with an idiosyncrasy for idioms can answer that to suit the ideology cousin.

Idiot: not too bright.
Idiom: a natural way to speak with someone who knows the language.
Idiosyncrasy: quirk, passion, perhaps  obsession even.
And the cousin? Ideology claims “the ideal”.

More spelling conundrums

Yea or yeah (meaning “yes”); yea or yay (meaning “whoopee”). And what about yah? Guess that’s another “yes”). Whichever you choose, stick with it (consistency always wins).

How do you spell OK?

Interesting background to this term, sometimes spelled OK, sometimes O.K., and sometimes okay. Notice the joke that made the rounds in the 1830s: OK originally was meant to indicate “all correct” — the joke being that neither O nor K were the initials of the term. Whichever you decide to use, stay with it (be consistent).

Are you “beside” yourself?

Beside or besides? That is the question. Both are prepositions (but “besides” can also function as an adverb: She traveled to three countries besides France.)

As prepositions, beside means “next to” and besides means “in addition to”.
The guest sat beside the host; no once besides the guest had that honor.

Now consider: There was no one beside her in the room. (Was she alone or was no one next to her?)

We get comfortable using beside as an adverb at times. Boo hoo! Make a note in Your Style Manual and don’t worry about it again.

Do Not Fear The Dreaded Verbals

Did the word “verbals” scare you in school? Or do you even remember it? The subject of “verbals” drove me crazy until… the day I realized verbals were simply cross-dressing verbs with dumb names: gerund, infinitive, participle (yes, the dreaded p-word). Here’s the skinny.

A gerund is a verb that adds “ing” to its ensemble and becomes… voila!… a noun. (Playing with words is fun.)

The infinitive is a verb preceded by “to” that turns into… yep!… another noun. (To play with words is fun.)

The participle is the troublemaker. A participle is a verb that turns into an adjective. This one is dressed in “ed” or “ing” and is used to modify nouns and pronouns. (Adjective: The confused verb adds to grammar pandemonium.) (Adjective phrase: Confused with rules, writers scream and tear their hair.)

What about the “F” words?

We’re talking flounder and founder, flaunt and flout. Do you know their meanings?

As a noun, a flounder is a fish; as a verb, flounder means moving in a clumsy or confused way (much like that fish out of water). Flounder is often used as an alternative to founder, which is a verb meaning “to cave in, sink, collapse, stumble even”. Now compare them. If you’re floundering (confused) in your marriage, seek help from a counselor (there is hope); if you’re foundering (sinking) find a lawyer.

As for the verbs flaunt and flout, you have a choice, of sorts. Flaunt means “to show off” or (more linguistically) “to exhibit ostentatiously”. (The brainiac flaunted her brains.) You don't even have to add the adverb “shamelessly”; that is implied. Flout is what we anarchists do: “show contempt”. (The Grammar Anarchist flouts those British “rules”!) Because both words display chutzbuh, flaunt is often used to imply contempt.

Where do you hold your phone?

Did you know that the grammar part of your brain lies just about your left ear? That’s where the work is done in the realms of reading, writing, and speaking. Do you generally hold your phone to your left ear? Hmmmm!