American-English — The Official Guide

If my pages look different, it’s because somebody who hates grammar (or has nothing else to do) broke into my space and befuddled much of what I had written. Sorry souls!

So we continue on our merry way (new password and such).

If you can’t spell and don’t want to learn how to use our delicious American-English language, stay out of my blog! Start you own!

Or get a copy of my new book AMERICAN-ENGLISH — The Official Guide. Honestly, it doesn’t hurt to learn (unless you haven’t used your brain lately).

—The Grammar Anarchist!

It's Black Friday for Writers

Okay — so it’s been awhile since you’ve heard from me. Easy answer: I have finished my new grammar book and you’ll be able to look at it after the holidays.  This one is titled American-English — The Official Guide

As you make your New Years resolution (to complete the book you started to write years ago, to write a new book, or to write YOUR book, period), let me tell you how easy it is to get it into print — and make money on it besides.

1) Finish the manuscript.
2) Find a reputable, experienced editor (like me).
3) Locate someone to make your book pretty, i.e., format it (like me).
3) Envision your cover and select a cover designer (not me).
4) Check out possibilities on CreateSpace. (Yes, they design book covers too.)
5) Select someone to work as liaison with CS (like me).
6) Lay out a marketing program to sell your book.

“Oh,” you say, “I’ll find an agent to sell my book to a major publisher and they’ll do all of that for me.”

Sorry, my writing friend, it doesn’t work like that anymore. Musicians now record their music independently; film makers produce their films independently; and writers publish their books independently. Takes much less time (a few months rather than years) and is much, much more profitable (you pocket the profits instead of a measly 10-15% royalty.) Besides, you retain full control of the end product — Your Book.

Get back to your writing desk. You have work to do!

Comical, Literate Grammar — Oh My!

Sometimes pure genius shows up in strange places. I look for — and find — it in the daily comic pages and my favorite grammar blogs. Every once in a while I trip over it on the Internet. As I warn my writer students, NEVER publish your work without your name and, if appropriate, a copyright symbol. Otherwise, your progeny becomes public domain, which means anyone can use it and you receive no credit. Tsk! Tsk! All that thinking and all that work and… no credit!

One such brainchild has appeared with no credits. Titled “Literary Devices”, it includes eight panels of clever drawings that illustrate these mechanical (over-used) devices. They are:

Random Analogy Generator
Foreshadow Puppet
The Great Golden Hammer of Hyperbole
Onomatopoeia Engine (puff! pop! clank! Whirrrr…)
Advance-Alert Alliteration Alarm (ahem!)
Personification Press
Irony Board
and my favorite: Metaphor Mixer and Simile Stretcher

You could almost make a song out of that last one! Somebody somewhere has a very fertile — and syntaxic, grammatic, linguistic, literatic — comic mind!

Want People to Listen to You?

I edit book manuscripts. When I discover an epidemic, like any good citizen, I must report it and warn against the dangers the disease can aggravate. Such diseases include (but are not limited to) over-use of a word, misuse of a word (and, then, but, well), abuse of commas, and a few hundred others. Today I wish to address the threat of the deadly… er… uh… um… , known as PFS (Pause Filler Syndrome). I put on my doctor’s white coat, place the stethoscope around my neck, and ask you to say “Ahhh” before placing your mask firmly over your fingers, leaving your eyes exposed so you can read on:

THE DISEASE:
As speakers, when we talk off the cuff, spontaneously, without notes, we often insert the occasional uh, um or er to let our brains catch up to our tongues. If you ever attended a meeting of Toastmasters, you may have seen members fined for using these place-holders. The best speakers use a pause to take a breath while keeping their tongues quiet.

As writers, we let characters do the speaking (it’s called dialog). If you’re giving your characters unique sounding voices, you may let one of them hesitate and use the viral er, um or uh. But please, do so sparingly. Nothing holds up a reader more than too many ers, ums and uhs in dialog. Once I found an average of 75 of these germs per page in a writer’s ms. (yes, I counted). In addition, the writer kept adding the words: She paused. and He paused. By the time I removed most of the diseased words, the manuscript was considerably shortened — and activated.
Writers groan; readers cheer!

DIAGNOSIS:
There is a difference between spoken and written words. Symptoms of oncoming PFS in writing include the deadly symptom of double verbing: making an attempt to write, rather than attempting to write. Or, taking the time to call home, rather than calling home. Or, I think; in my opinion; I feel, I sorta kinda gotta do this… and other place-holders. If you are writing an opinion piece, you don’t need any of those words (especially sorta, kinda, gotta). Your words — all of your words are your opinion, or you wouldn’t be writing them.

Read over the last few pages you just wrote. How many place-holders can you find? Do you need them? Does your character need them? Or are you just stalling while your brain catches up?

THE CURE: 
While waiting for the next idea or word, take a deep breath, speak slowly, pace your words to stay with of your brain — and reap the wonders of fine writing!

BENEFITS:
You will be more easily believed. Your writing will become more active (and publishable). You may rewarded with improved book sales, lower editing costs, or a raise from your boss. Most importantly, you will sound more authoritative.

QUESTION: What is the Official National Language of the USA? ANSWER: None!

 Most worldwide citizens can answer that quite easily. They have only a couple of languages to choose from. Now — you in the great United States of America — do you know your Official National Language? The answer: NONE!

Did your heart drop as mine did when learning that? This powerful country, the only major country in the world to welcome all languages, the only one to mix many languages with an English base, the only country that does NOT recognize the uniqueness of its linguistics — the only one listed as NONE. What a shameful omission!

In order to fulfill that missing piece, I am petitioning the folks who administer the federal government to issue a proclamation (at the very least) to recognize USA-English as the Official National Language. Here’s how that petition reads:

Respectfully asking the United States Congress to designate USA-English as the Official Language of the United States, acknowledging the nation’s unique multi-cultural population with varied ways to write and speak a language based on English. No other nation can make this claim, and yet the USA is the only major nation without a designated official language.

Here’s the whole story:

CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT to make USA-English, with its inclusive languages from around the world, flexible to teach and learn, the official free language of the United States of America.

WHEREAS: The United States of America, a powerful international leader, has no designated official language;

WHEREAS: Widespread confusion exists over the “rules” of grammar that should be taught to USA students;

WHEREAS: The United States of America fought and won a war to be free of control from England, resulting in changes made to the language to suit the needs of a new nation, free and independent;

WHEREAS: The USA is the only nation in the world composed of immigrants from around the world, who bring with them their native culture: foods, music, rituals, art, customs, and language;

WHEREAS: USA is weary of having British English (The King’s/Queen’s English) foisted on its people as “proper, correct, accurate, and suitable”;

WHEREAS: U.S. teachers are not being trained to teach grammar — any kind at all — because of the contradictions in grammar texts;

WHEREAS: The USA has developed its own style of English that includes words and syntax of every other major language in the world (and a few not-so-major);

THEREFORE: The time has arrived to offer teachers and students of the United States an official language that provides guidelines for global usage, flexible word adaptation, freedom to make appropriate changes, and the right to be free of complex, outdated “rules” based on the language of England, from whom we claimed our independence.

 If you feel so moved, please join me in forwarding this blog to your Congressional representatives (House and Senate), to the President of the United States, and to any linguistics organization you know.

Righting a Wrong!

The daily newspaper quiz today asked for the “official” languages of a number of countries: from Egypt and Iran to Iceland and Pakistan. I wasn’t stumped when it came to “United States” because — as any red-blooded American knows — we speak and write English. So I was amazed to read the answers: Egypt, Arabic; Iran, Persian (Farsi); Iceland, Icelandic (duh!); and Pakistan, Urdu. 

And what is the official language of the United States? Answer: “None”! NONE! We have no official language in the U.S. What’s worse is that we are the ONLY country in the world without one! Alas and alack! Woe and misery! The most powerful nation in the world has no language (officially)!

So let’s fix that. Right here! Right now! The Grammar Anarchist declares publicly and loudly that the Official Language of the United States is… (drum roll)… USA-English. Other “English-speaking” countries use the hyphen-English language as theirs, officially. Why not the USA? You’ve heard of Canadian-English (eh?) and Australian-English (g-day!) even Indian-English (what-ho!). Well, beginning today — NOW:

THE OFFICIAL LANGUAGE

OF THE UNITED STATES IS

HERE AND FOREVERMORE

KNOWN AS USA-ENGLISH!

At last! Aaaahhhh!

Temp-er, Temp-er, Temp-er!

Okay, I realize I’ve offered spelling advice that says, “Look to the root word when seeking better spelling.” But I have also suggested that you can ignore some advice that was absorbed as “rule”. And temp is one of them. This scruffy little root word has a variety of meanings. My dictionary (American Heritage, 4th Edition) lists more than two dozen words beginning with “t-e-m-p…” and a variety of meanings running from temper to temporary.

The etymology of this root is fascinating, but I won’t bore you with it. Know that t-e-m-p has been mished and mashed and put through a wringer over the centuries in order to produce quite a variety of uses in U.S.-English.

Most of the temp words refer to a root meaning of “time” or “mix” or “mingle”. Go figure! Here are a few of the differences:

A plain old temp can be that outsider who comes into your office “temporarily” to work on the books in your department.

A temper is “the tantrum” you throw when you weren’t asked to help.

That was when you were asked to temper your temper, “to moderate” it.

Temperament or temperamentally is “the way you handle” that temper.

Temperance goes further and asks you to knock it off completely, to “restrain” yourself.

When the office temperature rises, sometimes tempers also “get hot”.

Not wanting a tempest of “violent behavior of tornado proportions” to upset the office, your HR psychologist would likely suggest you temper your temper and avoid a tempest in a teapot with a well-tempered clavichord, with “tempered” music!

Remaining on an artsy level, tempera is a “mingling” of colors.

The temple in the Temple of Doom, on the other hand, draws meaning from sacred ground that was “divided” or “separated” (ironically meaning un-mixed) from ordinary ground. And from that, surprisingly, comes the meaning for the temple on either side of your eyes, originating from a Greek word meaning “vital spot”, as indicated by the Greek Vale of Tempe located between two important Greek mountains. (Classical Latin refers to that forehead area as the “temporal bone” or “temporal muscle”, protecting the precious vital eyes.)

No, I won’t miss some other t-e-m-p’s: as in Shirley Temple, Tempe AZ, or tempeh, an Indonesian dish made from fermented soybeans. Wonder where these t-e-m-p’s came from…

Ain’t language fun!

Well! Well! Well!

So now you know the difference between “well” and “well”! Ain’t grammar fun!

Thanks to Dan Piraro, my artist doppelganger, and BIZARRO!

Save the Earth—It's the Only Planet That Feeds Us

An author friend inquired about whether or not to capitalize the word “earth” when using it to refer to the planet, rather than to soil. While the planet is made up of soil, it gave me pause to consider the ramifications. As an editor and a citizen of Planet Earth and a concerned inhabitant of Mother Earth, I decided to capitalize the word as often as possible, using the lower case “e” only when referring to sod, soil, dust, or mud.

When I consulted my thesaurus, I found references under “earth” with a small “e”, only to soil. Under “Earth” with a capital “E”, were choices among: humankind, planet, and globe. Curious about the reference to “humankind”, I looked it up and found: human race, humanity, people, civilization. Now there’s a great metaphor! Earth means People, Humans, Us! We came from Earth (soil), or so it is said. We stay alive through Earth (soil) that grows food for us. We return to Earth (soil) when we finish living (“Earth to Earth, dust to dust”).

So tell me, understanding how interwoven we are with Earth, how dependent we are to the continued gifts from Earth, and as we watch civilization destroy the very ground we walk on — day by day… tell me why we cannot come to grips with the notion that it may all turn to dust and blow away soon, blowing us away with it at the same time?

We have discovered that people cannot be forced to be careful with Earth’s resources (water, air, soil), just as writers cannot be forced to capitalize that precious word: Earth.

However, I can ask writers to consider the importance of the deeper meaning of “Earth” every time they write it. Perhaps that will keep us around a few millennia… centuries… decades longer.

Mass Nouns and Uncountable Nouns, 0-boy!

Have you ever heard of Mass Nouns?

Don’t feel bad. Neither had I… until I came across the term in a comic strip the other day and realized I’d never heard of this before — in more than 50 years of tracking language. So I looked it up. (Where was Google when I was a kid?)

It seems that Mass Nouns refer to things that are uncountable or non-count words. No, not unable to be counted, but uncountable (there’s a difference). Try to attach numbers to words such as: advice, fog, dust, furniture, knowledge, milk, water, or wood.

Sure, you can

take a modicum of advice,

see a layer of fog or dust,

own a houseful of furniture,

acquire a font of knowledge, 

drink a glass of milk or water.

stoke the fire with two pieces of wood

But can you take two advices; see three fogs, six dusts, or own two furnitures; acquire ten knowledges; drink three milks or waters; or burn two woods?

Note that many Mass Nouns are abstracts — names of things that are unable to be sensed, in the broadest understanding of sense. And there is no “rule” to cover the usage of such curiosities. Which makes for a Grammar Anarchist’s delight — the exception: most Mass Nouns are generally used as singulars.

All of that said, I wouldn’t be a Grammar Anarchist if I didn’t add that some nouns are neither or both countable as well as uncountable. Whoa! Slow down here. Consider the following examples of these feisty, uncooperative, loner-type nouns:

Work is required to earn a living; the work I do is important; give me the works in my salad; have you read all thirty works of Toni Morrison?

Paper is made of wood pulp; an alien does not carry papers; some people read three papers a day; can you write a paper about China?

Air is necessary to breathe; don’t put on airs with me; can you name three airs about love?

Coffee peps me up; some drink five coffees a day; different blends of coffees taste better.

Don’t you love US-English!?

To Hiss or Not To Hiss…

If you want to appreciate your language, read the comics pages; I wouldn’t miss them! Most of the time I admire the way the writers use language — they love to play with words, which I particularly enjoy, especially the puns. As an editor, I am obsessed with editing printed text — and in doing so with the comic section recently, I came across the “hissing” problem. What caught my eye was the phrase “an historic event”.

What is the hissing problem? you may ask. This involves the decision to use the hissing sound when a word begins with the letter H, which results in deciding whether to use the article “a” or “an” to precede it. Some words starting with H make a sound; some don’t. Let me show you what I mean.

Repeat after me:

1) honestly, hour, heiress, hors d’oeuvre
2) history, hammer, humble, hymn, hundred
3) herb*

With the first row, you did not hiss; these are words with a silent H and use the article “an”.

In the second row, you hissed all over the place; each word begins with a pronounced H and is preceded with the article “a”.

When you reached the third row, you may have hesitated. “Herb” is one of those words that can be pronounced either way, depending on how erudite you wish to sound (or whose name you’re struggling with). Oh yes, many mispronounce the H-words, pretending to sound more learned. Others simply imply the sound by using “an” instead of “a”. Who would not say “an historic occasion”, sliding across the H? The reason is that it’s easier to pronounce. However, the written phrase appears correctly as “a historic occasion”. This conundrum dates back to the British days when the Cockney accent omitted all of the Hs that started words.

There is another letter that offers a similar problem: how to pronounce the U at the beginning of a word.

Listen as you pronounce these words:

1) united, utensil, unanimous, universal, usual
2) untie, umpire, ulterior, ugly, umbrella, utter

In the first row, you pronounced the words as if they begin with Y (the yoo or the eew-sound).

The words in the second row begin with an UH sound and utilize the article “an”.

Take care, not only with the way you pronounce words in spoken language, but the way you write words that have multiple pronunciations. And read the comics pages every day! Not only will it help with word usage, but you’ll stay young with laughter.

*Thanks to artist Dan Piraro, who draws the clever (and grammatical) Pizarro comic strip, for permission to use this comic that fell out of his talented pen the day after I originally posted this piece.

Have You Lost a Spelling Bee Lately?

So you have trouble spelling words correctly in U.S.-English! Don’t be surprised. The reason is simple. U.S.-English is comprised of every other language in the world. Yup! But you knew that. So why sweat it? F’rinstance: how do you spell that red sauce you spread on burgers? catsup, catchup, cetsup, ketsup, ketchup, katchup? Or the holy Muslim scripture? Quran, Koran, Curan, Coran, Quran, Quoran, Qu’ran? Answer below.

Here are four ways to simplify the problem: (NOTE: I didn’t say “solve”!)

1. Dig out the roots. Find parts of a word that are like other words with similar meanings. You’ll never misspell “medicinal” again, as long as you remember how to spell “medicine”. Or “decadent” if you remember how to spell “decade”.
2. The Prefix-Suffix Method. This system removes the plight of double letters. If the prefix ends in the same letter that the root word begins, add them together (1+1) and get double letters (un-necessary, ac-commodate, im-mediate, mis-spell). Doubling in not needed if those connecting letters are different (disappear, renovation, ineligible, recommend). The same formula works with the suffix (common-ness, logical-ly, final-ly, grand-ness, grand-ly, like-ly).
3. Pronounce words correctly. But BEWARE the Homonyms (words that sound alike but are spelled differently). These include there/they're/their and pair/pare/pear and fair/fare and bear/bare. In some parts of the country, another evil lurks. These words may sound alike: tar/tear/tire or fare/fear/for/fair/far. We had a President who pronounced “government” in two syllables, as “gub-ment”; and another who insisted on saying “nuc-u-lar” instead of “nu-clear”. And scores of people sell their homes through “real-a-tors” rather than “real-tors”.
4. Lose a spelling bee! (You’ll never forget your last word.) Or paste this quote from Thomas Edison: “It’s a damn poor mind that can spell a word only one way.” Because many words are translated from other languages, spelling becomes curious. Do you spell dialog, monolog, catalog with the added “ue” (dialogue, monologue, catalogue) or not? Here’s the antidote: make a list your problem words, look them up in a current dictionary, and record the preferred spelling (yes, many of those words have alternate spellings).

ANSWER to questions in first paragraph: the choice is yours. Just be consistent in using it.

NOTE TO WRITERS who depend on spell-check systems: DON’T!

Sexism is Alive

Let me rant a bit about the words we use to describe people. In particular, female people and male people. Notice how often you’ll find the following identification of a man:

John Smith, a handsome father of three and grandfather of two, looked appealing, his thinning gray hair and opulent mustache showing off his sparkling blue eyes. He wore a slate gray wool suit with solid blue tie, a matching handkerchief in the pocket, and appeared slightly nervous as he addressed his adoring audience.

Or the following identification of a woman:

Joanna Smith, a skilled cardiac surgeon (lawyer, stockbroker, economist, author, actor, drummer), strode confidently onto the stage and spoke directly to the crowd of 300 amassed to hear her speech. Dr. Smith’s discovery of less invasive heart surgery techniques will save many lives in the future.

While these depictions are slightly stretched, the reality is that a man is described by his status and accomplishments while a woman is described by her appearance, in detail, with notations of offspring.

If you don’t believe that sexist discrimination is still alive, do an Internet search for the “leading women sportscasters”. You’ll find a group of photogenic young women, mostly blonds, exposing decolletage that reaches halfway to their toes.  Now do a search for male sportscasters (or even just sportscasters) and you find lists of men with depictions of their journalism backgrounds and/or sports connections — and no photographs.

Oh, didn't I mention it? Almost all of those photogenic blonds listed their sports experience as “cheerleader”.

What Attracts You to People?

That’s the question posed in a recent survey among people of all ages, genders, sizes, races, and places in life:

What is it about someone that makes you want to know them better, do business with them, date them…

The first three answers are interesting. But it’s the third one that fascinates me the most — and should interest you too.

First answer: a SMILE.

“When someone has a sincere smile, I’m attracted.”
“I consider a sweet smile worth a pile of gold.”
“A beautiful smile reflects a beautiful soul, a positive thinker, someone like me.” 

Second answer: a TWINKLE in the eyes.

“I love to see twinkling eyes; that says a person is alive and well inside.”
“The eyes give you away. A twinkle can’t be phoney.”
“If I see a twinkle in his eye, I know this guy is excited about life and maybe me.”

Ah, my friends, now comes the third answer. (Pause to take deep breath!)

Number 3: good GRAMMAR! You betcha!

“When somebody uses a double negative, I flinch. Doesn’t she care about the way she sounds?”
“Oh, I have so many peeves about bad grammar, but the worst is between you and I — like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.”
“Bad grammar screams uneducated, sloppy, messy, dumb!”

Whether you come across bad grammar in speaking or in writing, how do you feel about the person behind the words?

Want to know my unfavorite faux pas that exposes a careless word user? I see it often in emails, which I usually disregard because the writer is moving fast. But still, wouldn’t they think enough of themselves to capitalize their own pronoun — “I”?

Okay, so English is the only language that capitalizes the word; but not capitalizing it sends a message — to many like me — that you don’t care enough about yourself to capitalize “I”. Chew on that tidbit for a moment.

Grammar reflects your personality, your brain traits, and your self respect. Be careful how you use it!

I Don’t Need No Editor!

How many times have I heard that? I’ve even said it myself. But oh my, how quickly I learned better. Like surgeons, editors don’t operate on their own work.

Need some convincing?

When you “edit” your own work:

Do you look for missing punctuation? Periods at the end of sentences? Question marks at the end of questions? 

Do you look for missing commas? Do you know where to insert commas?

Do you understand “smart apostrophes”? And how to fix backward apostrophes?

Are you sure you don’t spell “envelope” the same way you spell “develop”? Is “backyard” one word… or two? And how do you spell that red sauce you put on hamburgers? ketchup, catsup, cetchup, katsup?

Are you spelling a character’s name the same way in Chapter 14 as you did in Chapter 3?

Which numbers do you spell out and which do you use as numerals?

 Do you recognize how many times you’ve used your favorite word (really, so, only, but…)?

Do you know if you’ve been consistent with verb tenses?

Just some things to think about when you want your manuscript to be as error-free as possible. Professional editors consider these and many other grammar/punctuation concerns when they edit. Oh yes, they also keep track of the time element in your story, the action locations, costuming, even the music of your words and the rhythm of your writing. 

How do I know these things? I am a professional editor.

They Like the New GIYP!

Love my books; love me! Apparently something is working because my new series, Grammar In Your Pocket, is doing well. Seems people like the instant access to their grammar and punctuation problems. If you haven’t downloaded any copy yet, go to www.kindle.com and search either by topic (nouns, adjectives, commas, apostrophes, etc.) or by Series: Grammar In Your Pocket.

HINT: The most popular so far is Book #24 Grammar Glitches. Here you’ll find all the common grammar problems of the U.S.-English language — everything from affect/effect to who/whom!

Grammar In Your Pocket — just for you!

Heave a sigh of relief. Grammar help is on the way! Now you can find instant answers to your grammar questions by downloading any one of the 24 parts to the new series: Grammar In Your Pocket. Then pack away the information on your pocket electronics to keep it handy.

The series is available on www.kindle.com where you can search by subject. Order on amazon.com. There are 24 of them and each costs only 99¢. What? You say you don't own a Kindle? You can order a physical reader (so you can read in bed or on a bus), or you can download a Kindle reader FREE to your computer. Check it out! These are the subjects you can choose:

Parts of Speech: 
Introduction • Nouns • Pronouns • Verbs • Adjectives • Adverbs • Phrases & Clauses • Conjunctions • Prepositions • Articles & Interjections

Punctuation: 
Commas • Colons, Semicolons, & Periods • Parentheses, Brackets, Quotation Marks  •  Question Marks & Exclamation Points • More Dots & Dashes

Help For Writers: 
Putting It Together • Words • Sentences • Paragraphs • Spelling • Numbers • Unbiased Language • Writing Style • Grammar Glitches

You’ll never have to worry again about whether to say “between you and I” or “between you and me”. Plus, your spelling will improve enough for you to win any spelling bee!

Pick up one or more titles at a time until you have the entire series. And you’ll never need another grammar book to keep your writing and grammar usage impressive. Your friends, family, bosses, and business associates will swoon to hear you referring confidently to nouns, adjectives, semicolons, writing style, and even participles with confidence. And always keeping things between you and me!

Look What You Can Tuck Into Your Pocket!

My dream to place help to the grammatically challenged, right into your pocket, is coming alive. The first sixteen parts of my new series — GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET — have been gently downloaded onto Kindle. These are the parts of speech and punctuation that give so much trouble to those who want “rules”:

1—Introduction (FREE)
2—Nouns
3—Pronouns
4—Verbs
5—Adjectives
6—Adverbs
7—Clauses and Phrases
8—Conjunctions
9—Prepositions

10—Articles & Interjections
11—Commas
12—Colons, Semicolons, Periods
13—Question Marks & Exclamation Pointns
14—Parentheses, Brackets, & Quotation Marks
15—More Dots and Dashes
16—Putting it All Together (FREE)

#1—The Introduction and #16—Putting It All Together — available FREE — to get you started. Here you’ll understand the problems Americans have learning nefarious grammar “rules”. That's because those infamous, purported, mystical “rules” mostly apply to the linguists who dream them up. (But don’t get me started. See for yourself.)

You can download to your Kindle each or any other section at only 99¢ apiece; such a deal! 
So you want to refresh your understanding of Adjectives? Download Number 5—Adjectives. 
If you’re unsure about what nouns to capitalize, download Number 2—Nouns. 
Simple, easy, and instructive: just look in your pocket!
Your grammar skills will impress your boss, your clients, your friends, and your family.

Upcoming will be a section on Tips for Writers. I’m promising that before I leave for my trip to the beach this summer, you will have all you need to know about GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET!

Bizzy, Bizzy, Bizzy

Do you agree? Too much to do in so little time! I’ve learned that you can do only so much; then you have to take a breather; go for a walk; go to a movie, pick up groceries; plant a garden; take pictures of your grandkids…

So I took a breather. And what did I do? Worked on a new project! (Of course I don't listen to my inner critic. Who does!)

A primary project has been put on hold… again. I’m putting together a series of short grammar articles for eBooks, called Grammar In Your Pocket. Each article focuses on a part of speech or punctuation or writing problem. Each is short. Each tells you all you need to know — or want to — about that subject. Plans are to put out one article a week. If you download the complete set, you’ll have everything you need to know about grammar, right in your pocket, easy to carry around with you and access as you need it.

Let’s say you’re wondering about a word to capitalize. Open the series marked “Nouns” and go to the “Capitalize” section and… there you have it.

My problem? I’m learning to fine-tune work for easy reading on electronic readers. Fun and confusing. With a good wind and a lot of luck, you can look for the Introductory article next week (before Easter) and every week thereafter.

Guest Grammar Geek (her words)

For All You Mullygrubbers!

mullygrub (verb)
mullygrubs (moody noun)
mullygrubber (person to avoid)

The word mullygrubs came up on NPR recently and befuddled many people — both reporters and listeners. This is one of the best one-word descriptions alive (barely); it is attached to those moody, lackadaisical, gloomy, annoying people who just collywobble around, bringing negative energy to everyone.

If that isn’t enough to keep you away (or to keep you from becoming one), know that collywobble is a verb meaning to “belly-ache” (derived from “collic” and “stomach ache”). Got it?

Where the term mullygrub comes from is equally interesting (to us word geeks). An Aussie reports that a mullygrub is a cricket noun, referring to a bowled ball that “just rolls along the ground, keeping the batsman from scoring more than one run”, and therefore turning the defeated bowler into a collywobbler who resorts to any method to win with no consideration of long-term results. (Sounds as if it should be part of U.S. political grammar.)

Wait! There’s more! The word mully is a variant of muley, which refers to cattle with no horns. And how do hornless cattle behave without a means of defense? They get the mullygrubs, which turns them into very blah animals — thus mullygrubbers — blue, sad, down in the dumps.

Don’t be a mullygrubber! Forget the collywobbles and get out there and throw a party, ride a roller coaster, ask an attractive person out to dine, run naked through the stre... no, better skip that last one!

This is a post by a guest artist who apparently writes just like me.
She is Joanne Nakaya. Get a load of her writing blog! What fun!