Look What You Can Tuck Into Your Pocket!

My dream to place help to the grammatically challenged, right into your pocket, is coming alive. The first sixteen parts of my new series — GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET — have been gently downloaded onto Kindle. These are the parts of speech and punctuation that give so much trouble to those who want “rules”:

1—Introduction (FREE)
2—Nouns
3—Pronouns
4—Verbs
5—Adjectives
6—Adverbs
7—Clauses and Phrases
8—Conjunctions
9—Prepositions

10—Articles & Interjections
11—Commas
12—Colons, Semicolons, Periods
13—Question Marks & Exclamation Pointns
14—Parentheses, Brackets, & Quotation Marks
15—More Dots and Dashes
16—Putting it All Together (FREE)

#1—The Introduction and #16—Putting It All Together — available FREE — to get you started. Here you’ll understand the problems Americans have learning nefarious grammar “rules”. That's because those infamous, purported, mystical “rules” mostly apply to the linguists who dream them up. (But don’t get me started. See for yourself.)

You can download to your Kindle each or any other section at only 99¢ apiece; such a deal! 
So you want to refresh your understanding of Adjectives? Download Number 5—Adjectives. 
If you’re unsure about what nouns to capitalize, download Number 2—Nouns. 
Simple, easy, and instructive: just look in your pocket!
Your grammar skills will impress your boss, your clients, your friends, and your family.

Upcoming will be a section on Tips for Writers. I’m promising that before I leave for my trip to the beach this summer, you will have all you need to know about GRAMMAR IN YOUR POCKET!

Bizzy, Bizzy, Bizzy

Do you agree? Too much to do in so little time! I’ve learned that you can do only so much; then you have to take a breather; go for a walk; go to a movie, pick up groceries; plant a garden; take pictures of your grandkids…

So I took a breather. And what did I do? Worked on a new project! (Of course I don't listen to my inner critic. Who does!)

A primary project has been put on hold… again. I’m putting together a series of short grammar articles for eBooks, called Grammar In Your Pocket. Each article focuses on a part of speech or punctuation or writing problem. Each is short. Each tells you all you need to know — or want to — about that subject. Plans are to put out one article a week. If you download the complete set, you’ll have everything you need to know about grammar, right in your pocket, easy to carry around with you and access as you need it.

Let’s say you’re wondering about a word to capitalize. Open the series marked “Nouns” and go to the “Capitalize” section and… there you have it.

My problem? I’m learning to fine-tune work for easy reading on electronic readers. Fun and confusing. With a good wind and a lot of luck, you can look for the Introductory article next week (before Easter) and every week thereafter.

Guest Grammar Geek (her words)

For All You Mullygrubbers!

mullygrub (verb)
mullygrubs (moody noun)
mullygrubber (person to avoid)

The word mullygrubs came up on NPR recently and befuddled many people — both reporters and listeners. This is one of the best one-word descriptions alive (barely); it is attached to those moody, lackadaisical, gloomy, annoying people who just collywobble around, bringing negative energy to everyone.

If that isn’t enough to keep you away (or to keep you from becoming one), know that collywobble is a verb meaning to “belly-ache” (derived from “collic” and “stomach ache”). Got it?

Where the term mullygrub comes from is equally interesting (to us word geeks). An Aussie reports that a mullygrub is a cricket noun, referring to a bowled ball that “just rolls along the ground, keeping the batsman from scoring more than one run”, and therefore turning the defeated bowler into a collywobbler who resorts to any method to win with no consideration of long-term results. (Sounds as if it should be part of U.S. political grammar.)

Wait! There’s more! The word mully is a variant of muley, which refers to cattle with no horns. And how do hornless cattle behave without a means of defense? They get the mullygrubs, which turns them into very blah animals — thus mullygrubbers — blue, sad, down in the dumps.

Don’t be a mullygrubber! Forget the collywobbles and get out there and throw a party, ride a roller coaster, ask an attractive person out to dine, run naked through the stre... no, better skip that last one!

This is a post by a guest artist who apparently writes just like me.
She is Joanne Nakaya. Get a load of her writing blog! What fun!

OK, is it okay to O.K. an okay sentence including o.k.?

Next Sunday, March 23, 2014, has been named “OK Day”, celebrating the 175th anniversary of the appearance of this innovative word/sound/phrase. On March 23, 1839 okay appeared for the first time in a U.S. newspaper — The Boston Morning Post. It was a gimmick, folks — part of an abbreviation craze in this new country of ours. But, oh how it stuck!

How many ways can you write it? OK?
How often do you use the term okay?
Do you realize that this innocuous little term — “okay” — not only has uses in several parts of speech, but it also has a history? Who knew?

Answer to Question #1: You can write this term in all caps, a combination of cap and lower case, as a four-letter word or a two-word abbreviation (with or without periods). All are OKAY, OK, O.K., okay, ok, o.k.

Answer to Question #2: You have probably used the term more than 175 times today if you are working or socializing among other people, and possibly 25 to 30 times if you’re working alone at your computer and phone.

Answer to Question #3: Oh yes! You can use “okay” as a noun (You have my okay), a verb (Please okay this agreement today), an adjective (You’re an okay kind of person), and adverb (Is your computer running okay?), and an expletive/interjection (Okay!).

As for history, don’t believe those who try to tell you it originated with President Martin VanBuren, who is reputed to have referred to his connections with Old Kinderhook! Didn’t happen! Or with President Wilson, who reputedly repeated a term he had heard. Okay may  have come from the Greek ola kala, meaning “all good” or the Choctaw word, “okeh”, a sound-alike. After okay became used publicly in 1839, it is believed to have been immortalized in an unnamed slang dictionary in 1864. Probably not true.

And no! There's no way it stands for Oklahoma, as fine a state as OK may be.

Celebrate Our Day!

Today, Tuesday, March 4, is National Grammar Day. How do you celebrate? Take a grammar to lunch? Buy your grammar a dozen roses? Or just watch your mouth. Not easy in this day of purple prose — f-words and s-words and xyz-words. Take a hint from our classy forebears whose words remain on our lips for decades — nay centuries — long after the speakers are gone. They chose words that cut, struck chords, made points, all without reverting to the profanity of the day (or was it the profanity of the day?).

Notice where profane words originate? In the bathroom (considered childish obsession with the digestive system), in the bedroom (sexual activity has long bothered Americans), in humor (making fun of others), and in ways to diminish the character of another.

Where our grandparents got by using such expletives as gosh darn, drat, egad, yikes, gee, and golly, their grandchildren easily display potty mouths — most likely for shock value to adults, but more for the easy of finding a pet cuss word and using it as often as possible. The cure? Find a pet cuss word that only you define as “profanity”.

U.S.-English is rich with wonderful words that would send an enemy or opponent scurrying off to find a dictionary. Consider: scurrilous, blasphemous, file, coprophagous, cloacal, ribald, execrable, ominous, minacious, maledictory, damnatory, desiccative.

On this holiest of holy days, watch your language. 

1) Keep your dictionary tucked inside your iPod or your pocket.
2) Find a mobile copy of a thesaurus.
3) Delight in coming up with dissident, dissentient, dissipated, disassociated word that will blow away the need for bathroom or bedroom attempts at humor.

When you stare your opponent in the eye, smile, and describe that person in extraordinary words, you'll feel so much better.

Be a proud grammar user.

 

The President Filches From the Proverbs

Did you hear it? President Obama has the “proverbial reset button”. True! I heard it on NPR. You have to wonder where he got it and where he keeps it.

When I checked the Proverbs, I’ll be darned; I couldn’t find a single “reset button” listed.

Be careful when choosing modifiers, such as proverbial and literal and absolute and first and, especially, unique. These are sometimes called “ultimates”. Make sure the ultimate is precisely what you mean.

I would expect poverbial to mean “from Proverbs” or at least “in wide usage” — and old. 

Literal infers reality over metaphor. You may think you are “literally swimming in debt”, but you are metaphorically paddling among your IOUs. You literally swim in water! 

Absolute means there is nothing more to be added or done. “Absolute control of the situation” means that no other has any control at all. 

First is another ultimate. You may be the first to enter the building, or (more likely) among the first to enter the building. Remember, there is only one first (just ask an Olympic competitor). 

Unique is the ultimate most abused in today’s language. Like first, unique means “the only one”. Which means something cannot be “sorta unique” or “somewhat unique” or even “very unique”. 

Bottom line (literally); ultimates need no modifiers. That is absolutely what makes them unique — even in proverbial usage.

That Pronoun Thing — Again!

Yes, it’s all true. That pronoun thing is getting worse. Not only do I find speakers and writers putting themselves first in multiple groups (me and her, me and him, me and them), but… oh the pain! Here’s what ruffles my poor aching eyes and ears:

John and I’s house is for sale.
Her’s and mine’s anniversary is tomorrow.
It’s celebration will be simple.
Don’t tell me that their’s and our’s spelling is wrong.

Well, guess what? It is! Those sentences include apostrophes that have invaded the Pronoun Patch.  What’s almost as bad, the pronouns have been mis-used, abused, rattled, scrambled, and out of whack. Here's what those sentences should look and sound like:

John’s and my house is for sale. (Our house is for sale would do.)
Her and my anniversary is tomorrow. (Awkward, but better. Our anniversary is tomorrow / much better.)
Its celebration will be simple. (See? No apostrophe at all!)
Don’t tell me that their and our spelling is wrong. (Again, awkward, but better. Don’t tell me that all our spelling is wrong / much better.)

Pay attention now:

There are no apostrophes in possessive pronouns: yours, ours, theirs, mine, his, hers, its. 

Please write that in big 72-point font and paste it across your refrigerator, pen, pencil, computer keyboard, nose, and mirror. No apostrophes pu-leez!

A Preposition is a Terrible Thing to Waste

What is a Preposition? 

What do Prepositions do? 

Why do writers use too many Prepositions? 

How do you keep them useful without giving them a big head?

Good questions. Here are some Grammar Anarchist answers.

A Preposition is an introduction to a descriptive phrase. That phrase can modify either an adjective or an adverb (which is where the terms “adverbial phrase” and “adjective phrase” come from). The Preposition generally provides direction or relationship (in, out, under, over, up, down, with, before, behind, etc.) Therefore, if a phrase is to do a good job modifying, it needs something to modify. That’s where the noun or verb comes in. Here are a few examples of “adverbial phrase”:

She walked regularly in the park, near the creek, with her dog. (Whew! Three in a row!)
The dog toddled along behind the walker, on a leash. (Only two of them here.)
Neither the dog nor the walker appeared in a hurry. (One dab’ll do you!)

Notice how the bold-face prepositional phrases describe the verbs (walk, toddle, appear)

Here are some “adjective phrases”, which you will see modify the nouns:

The youth, in his teens, wearing only a light jacket with pockets, wanted hot coffee with cream.
His man next to him asked for an iced tea without sugar.
Both guys seemed anxious to get to the ballgame about to start.

 Here the bold-face phrases describe the nouns (youth, jacket, coffee, man, tea, ballgame).

Keep your prepositions useful by not overdoing. Some overloaded and overworked combinations include: off of, on in, near to, behind of, and in to (when what is meant is into).

Awkward: Keep your hands off of me if you want to get on in my favor and near to my heart, rather than behind of my good graces.
Neater: Keep your hands off me if you want to get in my favor and near my heart, rather than behind my good graces.

Now you know how to keep your Prepositions in tow. BTW, One walks into a room or situation, but once inside, one is in the room or the situation. Into moves; in says it’s too late to move; you’re stuck.

Respect your Prepositions; love them; keep them to a minimum.

There is Nothing Between You and I!

How many times do I have to repeat: There is nothing between “you and I”! It’s all between “you and me”! I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. You could be using the subject form (I) to sound more erudite. However, that is just plain wrong.

Want to know why?

Between is a preposition. Prepositions require the “object” form. You can be both subject and object, so nothing to worry about there. I, on the other hand, is subject; me is object.

Don’t make me tell you again!

The Newsletter I'm Waiting For

 

Here’s the newsletter I’m waiting to receive:

            I’m about to tell the truth about the year just past. No, it wasn’t one of the better ones, and I’m not about to hide behind a bunch of lies about how great life is.

            My books aren’t selling. Most of the writers who send me holiday mail imply that their books are selling like gangbusters. If that’s so, why ain’t they rich and sitting in Palm Beach?

            The newsletters I receive tell about their college-educated achieving kids getting great jobs and promotions and even their pets making out like… well, like animals! My kids are finding they don’t need me around anymore. And their pets see more of them than I do.

            As for grandchildren, I have only one and she hasn’t communicated with me in ten years — since she was 13. From what I gather, her growth was stunted shortly after she ran off with her mother and disowned her father and all his family.

            The rest of my news is equally turbulent. I’m aging. Well, we all are, but I have a head start on you all and I’m way past my sell-by date. It’s a wonder somebody hasn’t thrown me out yet.

            Oh, the house. I don’t know why newsletter writers insist on talking about the swimming pool they added, the new homes they and their children bought, and the way some of the kids are adapting to ritzy condo living. My house is warm; I can say that amid freezing temperatures. The doors lock; the windows are double-thick to keep out the cold, and the roof doesn’t leak. I won’t talk about the plumbing or electricity or phone lines; it’s just too depressing.

            Okay, so it’s not all bad. I do get Social Security, although it’s been cut back so far I can afford only a couple of days of eating each month. See? Good news! I’ve lost another ten pounds (and about two inches in height).

            I do see my offspring occasionally, and once they didn’t fight for an entire hour — a record. They’re good kids; they just don’t listen to their mother anymore. But then, who does?

            My husband was awaiting a long-deserved promotion and raise in September, but just after Labor Day received a pink slip. He’s too old now to find another job quickly, but he’s about 56^th in line for a job at Walmart. Meanwhile, all he does is grump around the house.

            As for my work, I’m a linguist, grammarian, word person, among the most underappreciated, under-recognized, and under-utilized people in the country. France and Germany have languages that people study and work to get right. But Americans (not the Canadian or South American kind) prefer to wander aimlessly through quasi-sentences with unimaginative words, mostly misspelled or erroneously placed. And who can understand the way young people talk these days. I’m not deaf; they elide too much (look it up!).

            Some more good news: I drive wherever I want and have been lucky with finding good deals on gas. Still, who wants to drive amid the traffic that clogs pot-holed streets and causes accidents. I can’t remember the last time I drove more than two blocks from home without having some fool cut in front of me — or without having to stop while emergency vehicles go racing past, on their way to the latest shooting. I almost long for the days of horses and buggies, messy as they were.

            But my newsletter is getting too long. When I hit Page 2 of most newsletters, I want to race to the end to see who sent it to me. I don’t recognize most of the names; who can keep track of their relatives’ kids and grandkids, especially those with such weird names? And never mind friends’ offspring. Who cares!

            Oh, almost forgot. I noted the price of Christmas trees the other day. Thirty and forty dollars for trees we used to buy for a couple bucks! And the trees… are… d-e-a-d! As for Christmas shopping, I am one of those who refuses to go into a store from Thanksgiving to Epiphany.

            Yes, I’m wishing you a Merry Christmas, rather than a Happy Holiday. I celebrate (or used to when it didn’t cost so much) Christmas. If you celebrate Hanukah or Kwanzaa or Eid, I’ll wish you a happy one when the time comes. But for me, December 25 is not a “holiday”, it’s a Holy Day celebrating Christmas.

So: M E R R Y   C H R I S T M A S and a very H A P P I E R   N E X T   Y E A R!’

*(Of course you don’t know who sent this; I never signed it!)